Think Act Parent

Is There Really Any Good Clean Air News

2011-10-13T17:10:00.000-05:00

We mothers in Texas are watching and wondering if anyone really cares about us, our children and our health. We are working to keep our voices in the mix, but we need some hope and encouragement. Fortunately, good things are happening! Read More

A Plea for Education from the First Lady (Video)

2011-10-04T23:00:00.005-05:00

In case you missed this passionate plea for education. Here is the First Lady's memorable statement on her visit to Great Britain, her first foreign visit. She tells about her life and why education is so very important for this generation. And a special message for the future women of the world. Watch it . Share it. Take it to heart! (From TED.com)

I Am Kelley Williams-Bolar UPDATE

2011-09-07T13:59:00.000-05:00

I am Kelley Williams-Bolar. I am a concerned mother who will do what it takes to keep my children safe and in the best educational environment I can put them in.

I am Kelley Williams-Bolar. I will fight for my and my children’s rights for equal opportunity and equal access.

I am Kelley Williams-Bolar. I, too, am working (hard) for the betterment of my family’s socio-economic advancement and stability.

Kelley Williams-Bolar is the Akron, Ohio mother who used her father’s address to get her kids into a better school in the suburbs. For this she was convicted of a felony for defrauding the school district and was sentenced to 10 days in jail, three years of probation and 80 hours of community service.

Actually, I cannot claim Ms. Williams-Bolar’s name in an effort to stand in solidarity with her. Fortunately for me, I do not live in public-subsidized housing. I have not had to falsify my kids school records (as countless people are compelled to do) to get them in “the right” schools. And I have a spouse who provides the larger part of our family income. I’d like to think that I could stand up and fight for injustice, as Ms. Williams-Bolar did, for my family. But all I can do is symbolically stand by someone who did and express my disdain for a system so steeped in privilege as to jail yet another undeserving person.

Only a privileged judge can look a struggling mother in the eye and detrimentally alter her already difficult life by making her an example. Only a privileged judge can single out a single mother among the other families that took the same action as she—a single mother who had the gumption to make hard decisions and sacrifices, and the gumption to stand up and fight for them-- and treat her as someone who deserved to spend time in jail… who deserved to be thrown away. As this devoted mother was being led away in handcuffs, pleading on behalf of her children who had never started a day without her, this judge was unmoved. The blinders of privilege permit that. Never mind that Williams-Bolar was only units away from attaining her credentials toward a teaching career that is now foreclosed due to the felony conviction.

When I heard that Ms. Williams-Bolar was being tried as a felon for lying about her residency so that her daughters could attend a school in the district in which her father lived, I imagined that her children would then be handed over to her father, who could then legitimately enroll them in the coveted school in question. How ironic that would be. And I thought about the claim that families who lie their way into the school district cheat the district’s taxpayers since those families are not making a contribution there. I wondered how much of the taxpayers money had been squandered on these two outsiders, these children...some of it their grandfather’s tax money, I imagine. I wondered how many of the wealthy residents of that district falsify and manipulate their tax forms to avoid such taxes. I thought how ironic that is, too.

I am devastated for Ms. Williams-Bolar and her family. I feel the need to apologize to her for our collective hypocrisy and our propensity to only accept certain lies from certain people. (See the Piano-in-the-bay story and how leniency for felonies is dispensed in Florida ) Lying is a privilege Ms. Williams-Bolar now knows she does not have. There’s that word "privilege", again. I use this word in place of the word "racism" because I believe this is a case of the haves vs. the have nots. This is an economic disparity issue. And since so many people of color are poor, economic disparity often masquerades as racism. Unfortunately, they look and feel the same. Ms. Williams-Bolar was reminded that she and her family did not belong at that more affluent school. And she was reminded that she and her family were not welcome. She did what so many folks do—she lied to get what she wanted for her kids. And for that, she was treated more harshly. She ended up where so many brown folks end up-- in jail. But those folks in jail with her are also mostly poor, too.
It’s so hard to unravel racism from classism and it may not be worth the effort-- not for folks like Kelley Williams-Bolar. The results are the same-- disrespect, disparate treatment and disenfranchisement.

However you feel about honesty and taxes, you have to acknowledge that Ms. Williams-Bolar was treated wrongly. I am not asserting that Ms. Williams-Bolar is a heroine-- just that her punishment far outweighed her crime. For this, I stand with her as a mother who cares foremost about her children’s welfare. And I support the efforts to rectify this injustice.

Click HERE for Three Ways You Can Help Kelley Williams-Bolar!

Side note: After publishing this post, I noticed that I misspelled "lion's share" as "loin-share," when explaining that my husband provides the lion's share of our family income. I'm thinking this was a Freudian slip that rightly acknowledges the degree to which a husband can more easily earn the lion's-share of the family income since men historically earn more than women for the same job! Then I decided lion's share was not a good metaphor for earnings but was more appropriately used for consuming, and I took it out altogether! This has nothing to do with this story other than to rationalize my poor proofreading and tangentially to point out the inherent difficulties a single mother faces to provide for her family alone.

UPDATE: September 7, 2011-- Governor Reduces Charges to Misdemeanor
According to the Associated Press, Gov. John Kasich reduced the charges against Kelley Williams-Bolar. She served her nine days in jail for felony charges, but the parole board declined to recommend a reduction in her sentencing. According to Change.org, support for Williams-Bloar went viral in one of their most popular of efforts to date. Change.org was also joined by ColorOfChange.org, in petitioning the governor's office on behalf of Williams-Bolar.

Parent/Teacher Relationship: Your Most Important Parenting School Tool

2011-09-01T07:18:00.045-05:00

Optimize the Learning Triangle

How many times have you received a progress report and only then discovered that your child was struggling in a class- no forewarning from the teacher--no call , no email, no note- just a bad grade when its too late to effectuate any change?

How many times have you discovered after the term has already started that your child had been assigned to the "crazy" teacher because you didn't know you could submit a request before teacher assignments were made?

How many times have you stayed up much-too-late helping your child with a project that seemed too demanding for one-day's notice, only to find out after-the-fact that your child misunderstood the directions?

These kind of situations often occur when a parent is out of the information loop. The thought that you may be missing key information and insight about your child's academic progress should keep you up at night! Parents are dangerously mistaken if they assume that all resources relevant to helping their children are going to be delivered to them in their child's take-home folder. You must take steps to get yourself plugged in. And the first step must be to connect with your child's teacher.
Here is a simple truth: If you, as a parent, have not connected with your child's teacher, directly and personally, you are not optimizing your child's educational experience. I do not believe that there is an exception to this statement. In the present school environment, private or public, parents who are paying attention know that parental involvement is the key to getting want they want in the way of outcomes. These parents know that school resources are limited and that these limited resources are expended on those families who are aware of the resources and demand them. If you are not involved, that is, if you have not, at least, met and conferred with your child's teachers, your child is not receiving all of the help, information, opportunities or care that he or she could be getting. You may not even know what you and your child are missing.

The MSNBC series, Making the Grade, does a good job of addressing what schools need to do to help parents who are under siege meet the demands of managing their children's academic lives. There is much that must be done to facilitate parental involvement, especially working, single and young parents.

Here's an excerpt:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

But with or without facilitation, parents must carve out ways to be there for their children. Neither public or private school experiences are optimal without committed parental involvement.

Often, when African-American families join a private school community, they are so preoccupied with fighting the negative perceptions they feel the greater community has about them (and Blacks in general). We Black parents believe the other parents and teachers assume we need financial help and that our children are academically deficient. [I am not, by this assertion, suggesting that Black parents are paranoid or overly sensitive. We are often (OFTEN) confronted with overt statements from other parents and students about our ability to afford to be at these independent schools and whether our kids can cut it). But even if the greater community does harbor these assumptions, we Black parents need to understand two important realities. One, that more White families receive financial aid than Black at most predominantly White private schools. And two, nearly everyone else in the school is receiving some additional academic assistance. The financial aid assumption is a topic worthy of its own discussion---for another time. I'd like to focus on the academic support topic here.

It seems that every other community except the Black community recognizes that students cannot achieve in the current competitive academic environment without help. Often we Black parents send our bright kids to these private schools with the handicap of our we-can-make-it-on-our-own beliefs . We consider it a sign of weakness to seek and ask for help. While we are busy trying to appear qualified, independent, worthy (and teaching our children to do the same) by functioning in silence and alone, the school's teachers and administrators are construing our actions (or inaction) as lack of concern on the parents' part and ambivalence on the students' part. Then once the teachers have concluded that we don't care enough to get help or advocate for our kids, they feel no obligation to communicate with or extend themselves to us. After all, they have a whole population of parents who are relentlessly hounding them about their children's needs! Black parents must jump in there, and demand services for our children and information for ourselves. When we don't step in we perpetuate the very perceptions of inferiority that we want to avoid.

By taking the steps to meet the teacher in the first weeks of school, you send the message that you are a proactive and concerned parent; and that you want to stay on top of your child's progress. You have opened up the lines of communication to the teacher and let your child know that you are an active part of their school experience. It is a way to let teacher and child know that you are still in charge of your child's education.

Much has been said about the importance of the learning triangle- the idea that the most effective learning happens when there is a direct connection between each essential participant in the educational threesome- parent, child and teacher. Even if you do little at home to support or contribute to the learning experience, you should at least keep close watch on what is happening at school. This is how problems are both solved early and avoided altogether.

Amazing things happen when you show up at school and introduce yourself to the teacher. When you let the teacher know that you are interested in optimizing your child's educational experience, the teacher feels he or she has an ally at home. The child feels he or she has an advocate. The teacher comes to know you and what you want from her. The child knows that the adults in charge of her academic future are talking and working together. You feel empowered because you have someone to call with questions and concerns.

Even in the worst scenario, where you and the teacher do not develop a friendly symbiotic relationship, the teacher knows that he has a watchful parent to deal with and thus, more care is taken with your child. In every case, the initiation and cultivation of the parent/teacher relationship is a win-win proposition.

How to establish a relationship with your child's teacher:

1. Meet with the teacher privately within the first two weeks of school. Even if you meet at Parent Night, make sure you have some one-on-one time.

2. Make sure you let the teacher know:

a. You are interested in being involved. Let her/him know your situation and your limitations, so that the two of you can work out how you can best take part in the classroom or other school activities.

b. That if a problem ever arises, you would like to know as soon as possible, whether it is academic or social. You want to be informed.

c.To feel free to call you anytime and for any reason.

3. If you have concerns or your child has any learning or social issues, tell the teacher. (example: "my child is young for his grade, so he is likely behind in some developmental ways." Make sure you inform the teacher of issues. But present the information in a positive light that reflects optimally on your child.)

4. Give the teacher all of the ways to contact you. And ask for all of her contact information. Ask which form of contact is best or preferable.

5. Thank the teacher for taking the time to get to know you.

By letting the teacher know that you want to be contacted, you are not implying that your child is a problem. You are simply clearing the way for communication. And communication is the key. In most cases, the positive response you receive by taking just these initial steps will astound you and put you on the right track to optimizing your child's school year.

Posted by Gina L. Carroll at 01:28:40 Permanent Link Comments (2)
[Originally posted 07/2005]

________________
Comments
1-Probably the most valuable point made in this commentary is the idea that a parent without much time to support learning at home can maximize their input in their child's learning experience by simply meeting the teacher and thereby begin to take advantage of the triangle learning model. This is a much needed eye-opener for parents with little time and/or income. (Comment this) Written by: John at 2005/07/20 - 03:02:01

Five Reasons Why We Need The EPA

2011-08-17T10:40:00.004-05:00

In the clean air fight, opponents of the Mercury Standards and Toxics Rules have begun to step up their game with fresh attacks on the EPA. There is an apparent collective Congressional brain fog about the history and origins of the EPA, the agency established as a bipartisan effort under Republican president, Richard Nixon. Given the aggressive attacks on the Environmental Protection Agency, I think a little reminder of what the EPA has done and is doing might be a timely discussion.

FIVE REASONS WHY WE NEED THE EPA

1. Companies won’t clean up on their own. They will not manage their emissions without regulations and oversight. If there is one thing history’s shown us, it’s that corporate polluters will continue to pollute until they are made to stop. In fact, they will fight vehemently for their right to dirty our air, water and land. Central New York’s Lake Onondagais one of many (many) examples of this. In words of Norbrook, a New York blogger, Lake Onondaga

was very important to the development of the city, and various industries. Today, the entire lake is a Superfund site. For over 125 years industrial and chemical operations disposed a variety of pollutants to the lake. At one time, industry discharged approximately 20 pounds of mercury to the lake each day…It’s the most polluted lake in the country. No one has been allowed to swim in it since 1940, or eat most fish from it since 1970.

See what else NorBrook’s Blog says about how the industry in NY polluted freely pre-EPA and the price taxpayers are still paying to for the toxic aftermath.

2. EPA regulations save lives—The Environmental Defense Fund created a map to show among the eastern states, how many lives will be saved by the Cross-State Air Pollution Rule. The Union of Concerned Scientists estimates that the Clean Air Act saved 160,000 lives in 2010 alone. Their ticker (see my sidebar ===>> or go here). It shows how much money the Act has saved to date.The EPA estimates that Mercury Standards and Toxic Rules will prevent up to 17,000 premature deaths, 11,000 heart attacks, and over 12,000 hospital and emergency room visits.

3. EPA regulations create jobs- If you don’t believe the EPA estimates for job creation , take it directly from the elecctrc industry leaders themselves. Eight power plant operators, in a joint statement in the Wall Street Journal, said this:

Contrary to the claims that the EPA's agenda will have negative economic consequences, our companies' experience complying with air quality regulations demonstrates that regulations can yield important economic benefits, including job creation, while maintaining reliability

4. EPA protects the most vulnerable of society. The EPA protects those most impacted by pollution – children, elderly and the poor. The American Public Health Association said this about protecting the clean air act:

Climate change and rising temperatures expose more Americans to conditions that result in illness and death due to respiratory illness, heat-related stress and insect-born diseases. These maladies fall most heavily on our most vulnerable communities, including children, older adults, those with serious health conditions and poor people.

5. EPA is especially concerned about children. The Mercury Standards and Toxics Rules will improve the lives of everyone. But they will especially positively impact children by preventing 120,000 cases of childhood asthma symptoms and about 11,000 fewer cases of acute bronchitis among children each year.

It’s difficult to even fathom that I am compelled to extol the virtues of the EPA after all of these years. The EPA has a 40-year record that boasts major environmental improvements that have been good for the economy and everyone’s quality of life. If the opponents of the EPA choose to ignore history, many of them, their very own political history, we cannot let them encourage us to forget ours. African-American families have too much on our plates to have to do battle for victories already won. But if we must stand up and say that our community is tired of paying the heaviest price for corporate polluters, then we will.

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

The Help: The Assn of Black Women Historians Addresses The Issues Perfectly

2011-08-13T18:59:00.002-05:00

So much has been said about the book and the movie, The Help. I am not compelled to add my two cents when the issues and objections have so thoroughly and sublimely been put forth by others. I especially appreciate the position of the Association of Black Women Historians, who have allowed me to reprint their Open Statement below. Enjoy and be edified!... and please check out the suggested reading list at the end!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Open Statement to the Fans of The Help:

On behalf of the Association of Black Women Historians (ABWH), this statement provides historical context to address widespread stereotyping presented in both the film and novel version of The Help. The book has sold over three million copies, and heavy promotion of the movie will ensure its success at the box office. Despite efforts to market the book and the film as a progressive story of triumph over racial injustice, The Help distorts, ignores, and trivializes the experiences of black domestic workers. We are specifically concerned about the representations of black life and the lack of attention given to sexual harassment and civil rights activism.

During the 1960s, the era covered in The Help, legal segregation and economic inequalities

limited black women's employment opportunities. Up to 90 per cent of working black women

in the South labored as domestic servants in white homes. The Help’s representation of these

women is a disappointing resurrection of Mammy—a mythical stereotype of black women who were compelled, either by slavery or segregation, to serve white families. Portrayed as asexual, loyal, and contented caretakers of whites, the caricature of Mammy allowed mainstream America to ignore the systemic racism that bound black women to back-breaking, low paying jobs where employers routinely exploited them. The popularity of this most recent iteration is troubling because it reveals a contemporary nostalgia for the days when a black woman could only hope to clean the White House rather than reside in it.

Both versions of The Help also misrepresent African American speech and culture. Set in the

South, the appropriate regional accent gives way to a child-like, over-exaggerated “black” dialect. In the film, for example, the primary character, Aibileen, reassures a young white child that, “You is smat, you is kind, you is important.” In the book, black women refer to the Lord as the “Law,” an irreverent depiction of black vernacular. For centuries, black women and men have drawn strength from their community institutions. The black family, in particular provided support and the validation of personhood necessary to stand against adversity. We do not recognize the black community described in The Help where most of the black male characters are depicted as drunkards, abusive, or absent. Such distorted images are misleading and do not represent the historical realities of black masculinity and manhood.

Furthermore, African American domestic workers often suffered sexual harassment as well as physical and verbal abuse in the homes of white employers. For example, a recently discovered letter written by Civil Rights activist Rosa Parks indicates that she, like many black domestic workers, lived under the threat and sometimes reality of sexual assault. The film, on the other hand, makes light of black women’s fears and vulnerabilities turning them into moments of comic relief.

Similarly, the film is woefully silent on the rich and vibrant history of black Civil Rights activists in Mississippi. Granted, the assassination of Medgar Evers, the first Mississippi based field secretary of the NAACP, gets some attention. However, Evers’ assassination sends Jackson’s black community frantically scurrying into the streets in utter chaos and disorganized confusion—a far cry from the courage demonstrated by the black men and women who continued his fight. Portraying the most dangerous racists in 1960s Mississippi as a group of attractive, well dressed, society women, while ignoring the reign of terror perpetuated by the Ku Klux Klan and the White Citizens Council, limits racial injustice to individual acts of meanness.

We respect the stellar performances of the African American actresses in this film. Indeed, this statement is in no way a criticism of their talent. It is, however, an attempt to provide context for this popular rendition of black life in the Jim Crow South. In the end, The Help is not a story about the millions of hardworking and dignified black women who labored in white homes to support their families and communities. Rather, it is the coming-of-age story of a white protagonist, who uses myths about the lives of black women to make sense of her own. The Association of Black Women Historians finds it unacceptable for either this book or this film to strip black women’s lives of historical accuracy for the sake of entertainment.

Ida E. Jones is National Director of ABWH and Assistant Curator at Howard University. Daina Ramey Berry, Tiffany M. Gill, and Kali Nicole Gross are Lifetime Members of ABWH and Associate Professors at the University of Texas at Austin. Janice Sumler-Edmond is a Lifetime Member of ABWH and is a Professor at Huston-Tillotson University.

Suggested Reading:

Fiction:

Like one of the Family: Conversations from A Domestic’s Life, Alice Childress

The Book of the Night Women by Marlon James

Blanche on the Lam by Barbara Neeley

The Street by Ann Petry

A Million Nightingales by Susan Straight

Non-Fiction:

Out of the House of Bondage: The Transformation of the Plantation Household

by Thavolia Glymph

To Joy My Freedom: Southern Black Women’s Lives and Labors by Tera Hunter

Labor of Love Labor of Sorrow: Black Women, Work, and the Family, from Slavery to the Present by Jacqueline Jones

Living In, Living Out: African American Domestics and the Great Migration

by Elizabeth Clark-Lewis

Coming of Age in Mississippi by Anne Moody

Thank you scholars of the Association of Black Women Historians for your thorough articulation of the issues surrounding the book and the movie. And thank you again for allowing me to reprint your Open Statement in it's entirety!

Readers, If you'd like more information about the ABWH or the Open Statement, go HERE.

Clean Air is Possible! But You Gotta Act!

2011-08-03T17:15:00.004-05:00

Diane Nash, Orgainizer/Freedom Rider. She would not be deterred.*

I was having lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago and I asked her if she knew anyone with asthma. This is part of my own little inquiry into how common asthma is in Houston. And sure enough, my friend said her son, too, is asthmatic. So we started talking about asthma as an epidemic in Houston and how many people we know who are afflicted by it. I began to launch into my involvement in Mom’s Clean Air Force-- how I had a petition going and how much I wanted to get more African-American mothers involved. My friend is a lawyer and a judge. She is an active citizen and a children’s advocate. In other words, she is politically plugged in. So of course, I was trying to recruit her.

But she devastated me when she said in essence that cleaning up the air in Texas is impossible because polluters would rather pay lobbyists and fines than take the actions necessary to curb their dirty emissions. What she said about polluters is right on the money. But her use of the word impossible gave me pause. Impossible? Really? If my proactive, in-the-know friend thinks clean air efforts are futile, then what’s the use in trying? I was very discouraged about this viewpoint, especially as I continue to encounter it in my attempts to recruit my friends.

But the truth is, this effort is not impossible. Whoever thinks so, does not know African-American history! We have a long and impressive record of fighting “impossible” challenges. In fact, the very essence of our American experience has been surviving and achieving in the midst of extreme adversity.

I was reminded of this last week as I viewed Oprah Winfrey’s celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the Freedom Rides. You may know that the Freedom Rides marked a turning point in the Civil Rights Movement. People of many races and ethnicities, mostly college students from all over the country decided to take buses into Southern states in order to challenge segregation laws. On those buses, they encountered the most extreme hatred and violence at the hands of state officials, the KKK and Whites who resented their attempts. Many of the Freedom Riders were severely beaten and arrested. Many of the buses were attacked and burned. The violent response to the peaceful demonstrations was so extreme, that President Kennedy ordered a stop to the Freedom Rides. But even after the Presidential order was issued, buses kept coming, full of peaceful protesters who were determined to succeed in changing laws and forcing the country to look at itself. Desperate to stop the violence, John Seigenthaler of the Justice Department called student organizer, Diane Nash, and urged her to cancel the rides. He said, "You're going to get your people killed." She responded, “We all completed our Last Wills and Testaments last night.” She told him if the first group were all to die, others were prepared to follow.

The Freedom Riders were relentless. And their tenacious trek was widely covered by the media. Our country had an opportunity to see right on our televisions the ugliest side of racism and discrimination. And as a result of the Rides, laws were passed, starting with the desegregation of interstate buses.

We often do not act until we are utterly fed up with the way things are. Or we take action when we are tired to death of conditions that affect us acutely. The Freedom Rides are a powerful example of this.

Air pollution is an insidious oppressor. Even though it is making our children sick and taking the lives of infants and adults prematurely, it’s not so in our faces that we perceive its impact so directly (except on Ozone warning days, of course.) But this fight, like the Civil Rights fight, is not about such amorphous things as the air, it’s about people—people making decisions that impact everyone adversely and some in profoundly disparate ways—corporate decision makers who would devalue to lives of infants and children in order to protect their financial bottom line and legislators who are more concerned about keeping their offices and pandering to their largest contributors, than caring for the health and welfare of the families they are charged to represent and protect. It’s about people like children whose families cannot afford the cost of allergy and asthma medications and infants who never get a chance at a normal life.

Click HERE for a refresher of what’s at stake for African-American folks.

As long as we recognize that this is a people-to-people thing, there is always hope. And there are lots of folks who are making a difference— Just look at what one mother accomplished with Utah Moms For Clean Air ; and the victory of the Bay Area for Clean Environment parents against cement companies ; or how West Harlem Environmental Action Committee took it's air quality back from polluters; and what C'BS ALife Alla is doing to change his community's environment for health with his Hood Health initiatives. People are taking to the street and the Internet to be heard and felt. And legislators are listening—just look at Senator Carper ’s pledge to do the right thing and Senator Lautenberg’s acknowledgement that we must protect the health of children and seniors.

The clean air fight is not an impossible fight, especially compared to other fights we’ve undertaken and won. You don’t have to fill out your Last Will and Testament to participate in efforts to make and support change.
BUT YOU MUST ACT NOW! Today and tomorrow are the last days to communicate your support of stringent mercury and toxics rules for coal-fired power plants. All that’s required to make a difference is to click, type and click. Please go HERE!

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force

*Photo Credit: Gerald Holly, staff photographer for The Tennessean. (1960)

Hood Health: Change Your Neighborhood, Change Yourself

2011-07-25T09:57:00.000-05:00

C’BS ALife Allah offers his community and ours Hood Health Handbooks to educate us about health issues that plague people of color, and to get us to consider that our lifestyle choices often make us "the authors of our own dis-ease." In the Hood Health Handbook, a collaboration of experts in nutrition, medicine, law, fitness and holistic health, sheds light on how people of color can heal our ourselves and communities, and address some of the social disparities that exist for just-us. In an optimistic, proactive way, Allah asks us to demand of ourselves and those who impact our health and quality of life-- our rightful access to better food, clean air and water, and quality of life, for the sake of our children and our children's children.

Check out the trailers for his book series- The Hood Health Handbooks!
GO HERE to see C’BS ALife Allah's recent interview by Mom Clean Air Force member, Abbie Walston, the Farmer's Daughter.

What I Learned about African American Asthma Rates and What Can Be Done About It

2011-07-08T09:24:00.002-05:00

A very informative exchange happened in the Mom's Clean Air Force community this month. We held two events surrounding the topic, African American Asthma Rates and What Moms Can Do About It. First there was a Blog Radio discussion moderated by Blogher’s Renee Ross, an African-American colleague of mine who is the Blogher Health editor and a long-time family blogger. Renee was joined by Vernice Miller-Travis, Vice Chair of the Maryland State Commission on Environmental Justice and Sustainable Communities and Co-Founder West Harlem Environmental Action, and Dr. Sande Okelo, assistant professor of pulmonary medicine at John Hopkins Children’s Center. (You can listen to the podcast HERE).

Then this past Wednesday, we launched a Twitter Chat (under the hashtag #MCAF) that continued the conversation. I learned a bunch from these discussions (and not just that Blog Radio is awesome and Twitter rocks!) So I am sharing some of the valuable lessons I gleaned from both discussions here.

The asthma statistics for African Americans are scary and disturbing. They disclose an alarming truth—that Black children have asthma BIG TIME and the disease is wreaking havoc on their health and their entire families’ quality of life—

In 2009, about 2,380,000 African Americans reported that they currently have asthma.
African American women were 30% more likely to have asthma than non-Hispanic White women, from 2001-2003.
In 2006, African Americans were three times more likely to die from asthma related causes than the White population.
From 2003-2005, African American children had a death rate 7 times that of non-Hispanic White children.
African Americans had asthma-related emergency room visits 4.5 times more often than Whites in 2004.
Black children have a 260% higher emergency department visit rate, a 250% higher hospitalization rate, and a 500% higher death rate from asthma, as compared with White children.
Children in poor families are more likely to ever have been diagnosed with asthma. (Source: http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?ID=6170)
@CDCActEarly adds via Twitter Chat that As of 2009, 17% of all Black children were asthma sufferers (Source: http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?ID=6170)

Vernice Miller-Travis, opened the Blog Radio discussion with a discussion of her impressive career on the environmental front. She began in 1986 as a research assistant for the United Church of Christ’s Commission for Social Justice. She was involved in the landmark report, Toxic Waste and Race in the United State, which was the first report to document the relationship between race and the location of hazardous waste sites in or near where African-Americans (and other people of color) live. The report was the start of a very dynamic conversation and social movement in African-American communities surrounding the fact that polluters predominate in the places that African-Americans live regardless of income level, that they have a detrimental impact on our health, quality of life and our mortality.

In her work with the West Harlem Environmental Action Committee, she began by taking part in addressing the profound public health impacts (like frighteningly rampant occurrences of asthma and respiratory problems) of an irresponsible waste facility and the seven municipal bus depots located in the community which were major sources of fine particulate matter. Lots of research shows that if aspirated this kind of particulate matter can contribute to and actually cause asthma. Her research showed that in the late 1980’s and 90s, the Harlem communities of New York had the highest rate of asthma and infant mortality in the country. They were so astronomically high that without Harlem’s very elevated levels for asthma and mortality, the overall national rate for asthma and mortality would be dramatically lower.

The West Harlem Environmental Action Committee decided to approach the problem through land use and zoning. The significance of this approach is best illustrated by the fact that the offending sewage treatment plant was located directly under a large and popular city park. Local policymakers had to be called to task for such land use decisions. The Committee also undertook extensive community education about the environment. And they initiated ground roots mobilization in the African-American and Latino community so that they could begin to put political pressure on local and state government to prioritize the health and safety of the community. The movement took time, says Miller-Travis, but it did happen to favorable results because pervasive asthma and infant mortality are easy issues for people to stand together and rally behind.

The essential issue, then and now, is that environmental offenders offend to a greater degree in communities of color—particularly African-Americans and Latino. And that because waste facilities, power plants and refineries are located where we live, they have profoundly adverse impacts on our health and on mortality—heart disease, cancer, respiratory disease, hyper-tension, sickle cell anemia (some sources of pollution increase the occurrence of sickling for sufferers, which everybody knows is of particular concern for African-American and Latino folks). Travis-Miller says, “we are being beset with a number of health challenges that are undermining our quality of life because of environmental issues. We have to take those issues very seriously because our lives are depending on it.”

Dr. Sande Okelo, assistant professor of pulmonary medicine at John Hopkins Children’s Center, spoke about his recently published study, Do Asthma Morbidity Disparities Exist Between Black and White Children. The study is based on surveys conducted as part of an ongoing project at John Hopkins. And it found that in its pediatric population, African-American asthmatic children experienced twice the hospitalization and intensive care visits than their White counterparts, and far less lung capacity. According to Dr. Okelo, this indicates that Black children tend to come to treatment later and are less successful at managing their asthma. The reasons for these disparities, according to Dr.Okelo, are unclear.

On the matter of air pollution, Dr. Okelo suspected that African-American parents are likely not as aware of overall ozone triggers as they are of more conspicuous triggers, like cigarette smoke. One of the most common complaints Dr. Okelo says he gets from parents is that their children go a long time with symptoms before they are diagnosed with asthma and before they are given thorough explanations about the disease and treatment.

This disconnection in communication between medical personnel and African-American parents was also reflected in the discussion that took place during the MCAF Twitter Chat this week. There was concern and frustration expressed by physicians about their inability to effectively impress upon their African-American asthma patients and parents the importance of maintenance and on-going management. Nanette Nuessle (@NanN) said that in her Kansas pediatric practice, where she has been on the frontlines of asthma treatment for many years, her efforts to educate her African-American patients and parents have not been successful. And as the Twitter discussion swirled around socio-economic barriers to health care such as poverty, education and historical distrust by African-Americans of the medical establishment, we explored ways to make a change in the community with regard to better health maintenance of asthma and with regard to clean air activism.

The consensus among the Twitter participants, which included health care professionals, community activists, and parents, was that a full-on effort to educate and mobilize communities of color was necessary and urgent. We concluded that parents need to know the truth about asthma--that their children are a part of an epidemic that is extremely dangerous to their health --and the truth about the causes of the epidemic—including the presence of irresponsible and unethical treatment facilities, coal-fired power plants and refineries located in and near their homes. They need to know about (and be given tools to deal more optimally with) the disease and the polluters who are contributing to it. As Vernice Miller-Travis found in her years of community organizing, any real results will only come from direct communication and energy building around the specific issues bearing down on families-- showing them how to plug into the political process as individuals and as a collective body.

Like Miller-Travis and Dr. Okelo, there are heros in the community mobilizing change; tending to the health of children; and educating parents. There are inspiring grassroot efforts like @ALifeAllah’s Hood Health Handbook, and @NanN’s years of dispensing information and health care one patient at a time! I learned this month that there are lots people working hard to make life better for children of color, and I am encouraged. But there is much work to do and time is of the essence.

Mom Clean Air Force has a new initiative—the Rapid Response Team- which is made up of concerned parent/activists. The team’s purpose is to let lawmakers know they are being closely watched, by sending prepared Tweets and Facebook posts about noteworthy actions or statements—both praiseworthy and egregious. The team will blast out the info within a 24 hour period. The Rapid Response Team is an easy and impactful way to get involved. Easy---Impactful—that’s a winning combination! So join us!

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Why More Blacks Give Their Children Bottled Water And Why We Should Stop!

2011-06-30T10:53:00.001-05:00

With all of this talk about childhood obesity and healthy living, it seems like the right move to give your child a bottle of water-- a bottle in his or her school lunch; a bottle after school and another one after the soccer game. To be certain, water is the better choice—better than soda, sports drinks and even better than juice. Black parents have bought into the bottled water craze in a big way. But does a commitment to water necessitate an allegiance to the disposable water bottle?

A recent study reported in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, found that African Americanand Latino parents were more likely to give their children mostlybottled water, and that children of color were exclusively given bottledwater 3 times more often than White children. The consumption of bottled water is no small matter in the U.S. Americans purchase 50 billion water bottles every year and the bottled-water industry has outpaced milk, coffee, and juice in number of gallons of drinks sold— tailing behind only beer and soda.

This demand for bottled water has had (and continues to have) an enormous impact on our environment and our health. Plastic water bottles are petroleum products. In order to produce the bottles to meet our demand, over 17 million barrels of oil are required and more than 2.5 million tons of carbon dioxide are produced. In addition, according to the Seirra Club, when bottled-water companies attain water by pumping groundwater, they are drawing heavily on underground aquifers and harming watersheds. According to some estimates, as reported by in this National Geographic article, it takes up to three liters of water to produce one liter of bottled water.

And where do all of those empty (and half empty) water bottles go? The Container Recycling Institute estimates more than 80% of plastic bottles end up in landfills or incinerators. We have all seen how water bottles litter our roadsides, waterways and beaches. Well, that litter represents hundreds of millions of plastic bottles nationwide that cost taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars each year for cleanup and disposal. However, what we know is that those plastic bottles never really go away. They become a permanent part of our landscape and our oceans.

The study, Perceptions About Water and Increased Use of Bottled Water in Minority Children, by Drs. Gorelick, Gould, Nimmer, Wagner, Heath, Bashir and Brousseau, disclosed that most of the African-American and Latino respondents relied on bottled water because they believed that bottled water was “cleaner, safer, healthier, more convenient and better tasting than tap.” Since many families of color tend to live in urban centers, which frequently include older homes and multi-family dwellings (like apartments), it makes sense that they might have a heightened concern about the water they consume. Older, lower-quality dwellings in more densely populated areas present higher water quality risks for lead and other contaminants. Water quality is a more pressing concern for these families. And even though municipal water quality is highly regulated, there are still issues with water quality that are cause for concern. Lead is just one example of a water pollutant that poses greater risk for underrepresented populations. And we know that neighborhoods of color suffer greater exposure to air pollutants, and thus will likely see these same pollutants impacting their water- like heavy metals such as arsenic, cadmium, chromium, and selenium.
So the disparity in trust found among African-American and Latino populations with regard to drinking water safety is somewhat justifiable. However, the reliance on bottled water is not.

Studies have established for some time now that bottled water is no safer or cleaner than tap water. The Environmental Working Group’s 2008 investigation found that every bottle of water examined had some form of chemical contaminant, including disinfection byproducts, fertilizer residue, pain medication and untested industrial chemicals. The authors of the Gorelick, Gould, et.al study pointed out that bottled water may be prone to bacterial contamination. They cited a National Resources Defense Council investigation that found that “17% of bottled waters had bacterial loads that were considered unsafe,” and that “22% were tainted with enough chemicals, including arsenic, that they wouldn't pass the strictest state standards.” Even more disturbing, the researchers cited a 2010 study that found that 45% of children who sought treatment for severe diarrhea drank only bottled water. If this is not enough to shake our belief in the superiority of bottled water, we should also note that one-quarter of all bottled waters are actually repackaged tap water, even when they say mountain spring water on their labels.

Studies have also established that the plastics used to produce water bottles pose potential health risks. You’d have to live under a rock not to have heard that harmful toxins, like antimony, from the plastic leach into the water and pose risks of illness.

The sum total of information regarding bottled water makes it clear that bottled water is far from being the safe alternative for us or the environment. And yet so many consumers continue to pay handsomely for water of lesser quality than the free water from their own taps. This is both discouraging and maddening when you consider that the respondents of the Gorelick, Gould, et.al study are paying on average a hefty 1% of their household income for bottled water. One-percent just for water!

It makes sense to want to assure that your family consumes clean, pure water. But do you know the condition of your tap water? Do you know where your bottled water comes from? There are steps we can take to provide clean, safe water for our families, without spending our individual incomes and our collective resources on bottled water. Below are steps you can take to educate yourself about your tap water and clean water options:

1. Before you assume the worse, find out about the quality of your tap water. According to the EPA’s website: “Since 1999, water suppliers have been required to provide annual Consumer Confidence Reports to their customers. These reports are due by July 1 each year, and contain information on contaminants found in the drinking water, possible health effects, and the water’s source." Some Consumer Confidence Reports are available at www.epa.gov/safewater/dwinfo.htm. If your report is not available online, you can contact your water supplier to get a copy.

2. Have your household plumbing tested. If you know your dwelling is over 30 years old, the plumbing very likely contains lead. If your household plumbing has copper pipes less than 5 years old, the solder used may very well be lead, which can leach into your water.

3. If you know or suspect that your water contains lead, the EPA recommends the following precautions:

a. Do NOT boil water to attempt to reduce lead. Boiling water increases lead concentration.

b. Always use water from the cold tap for preparing baby formula, cooking, and drinking.

c. Flush pipes first by running the water before using it. Allow the water to run until it’s cold.

d. If you have high lead levels in your tap water, talk to your health care provider about alternatives to using boiled water in baby formula.

4.     Invest in reusable water bottles and filters for home. They will be a fraction of the cost of your ongoing bottle water habit. Click HERE for water filter comparisons . Click HERE for a discussion about safe reusable water bottles—think stainless steel!

5.     Join the effort to keep your water supply safe and clean. Go HERE to see what community action you can take on behalf of your water.

6.     Air pollution greatly impacts water quality, too. Pollutants released into the air will eventually make their way to the earth’s surface, and thus it’s land and water ways. Join us at the Mom’s Clean Air Force and help protect your children’s (and all children’s) right to clean air and water.

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

On Summer Sports, Asthma and Being Prepared with Houston Immunologist, Dr. Carlos Vital

2011-06-22T18:03:00.000-05:00

My family is an athletic bunch. We love sports-we have football, basketball, soccer, field hockey and lacrosse players among our numbers. We are all very active. (well, usually—I recently severely dislocated my elbow playing tennis, so I am out of commission). This past weekend we celebrated Father’s Day with a family soccer game. Sunday morning was a hot Houston day, with no relief in sight. We are currently in an historic drought. There hasn’t been rain in weeks.

Houston is a sports-focused town. Texans take their sports very seriously and Houstonians especially. Our sports facilities are unrivaled and our devotion to club and specialty teams is intense. (We tend to be a bit zealous about pretty much everything!)

For every Houstonian athlete, young and not-so-young, the Houston outdoors is a challenge. We have extreme heat. We have crazy humidity. And we have nasty air. On just about every team that my kids have participated (and with five active kids, that’s a lot of teams over the years), there is at least one teammate with asthma. Inhalers are commonplace in the Houston sports world.

Exercise and sports activity can be an asthma trigger all by itself. Some people’s asthma is triggered only by physical exertion. For some asthma sufferers, physical activity is just one of many triggers. But in Houston, since air quality is such an issue here, it’s hard to know if the post-activity asthma attack is from the activity or from being outside sucking in extra amounts of dirty air. Both can be contributors. This seems to be the case for my daughter. She played soccer in college and is a high school soccer coach. She has not needed an inhaler for some time. But now that she is back in Houston for the summer, it has taken all of three weeks for her need of an inhaler to return. So we know it’s not just the game of soccer that gets her coughing. It’s playing soccer in the Houston air.

Activity in the summer months requires extra attention. Dr. Carlos Vital, allergist and immunologist, who has two offices in Houston, says that the summer months are an important time to pay attention to allergies and asthma. His advice to parents with allergic or asthmatic children is to “always be prepared.” Though summer is the time that families tend to relax their routines, Dr. Vital says this is no time to forget your inhaler at home or stop your maintenance medications. For kids who are have not been diagnosed with allergies or asthma, but exhibit one of more of the following symptoms:

a cough after running around or exercising;

a chronic cough at nighttime; and or

wake up in the morning feeling fatigued,

they should be seen by their primary physician or an allergist. And for kids who already know they are asthmatic, if they develop the dreaded summer cold or any upper respiratory infection, their chances of having a reaction to activity is increased.

As the Houston summer wears on, the temperatures continue to rise. Dr. Vital says as difficult as it may be to have kids hanging around the house, when the ozone is high, kids with allergy sensitivities and asthma should stay indoors. (Check out Abbie Walston's post on what to do with house-bound kids on smoggy days.)

Dr. Vital is a valuable resource for asthma and allergy sufferers because of his impressive training and his dedication to community. From 2000 to 2005, Dr. Vital was President of the Louisiana State Medical Society - Resident Fellow Section, 2000-2005 and for part of that time he was Director for the American Medical Association - Resident Fellow Section for Arkansas, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Texas. He received Resident of the Year recognition by the Medical Center of Louisiana for the Department of Internal Medicine & Pediatrics and was nominated for overall Resident of the Year. He is currently on the faculty of Texas A & M Medical School. His decision to specialized in allergy and immunology stems from the fact that he was a suffer himself. This is why patient advocacy is so important to him. You'll find him at community health activities, like the "Walk for food Allergies" in downtown Houston, and devoting time as a board member at the Julia C.Hester House, Houston oldest African-American community center.

I think of Dr. Vital as a medic in the war against clean air, only he is tending to the health of the war’s biggest casualties—our children. As an African-American physician, he is acutely aware of the disproportionate numbers of asthma suffers in our communities. I discussed with him the work of the Moms Clean Air Force. “You’re doing some important work there,” he exclaims, “Thank you.”

For more information about The Soaring Rates of Asthma Among African-American Kids and What Moms Can Do About It, join the Mom’s Clean Air Force BlogTalk Radio discussion on July 27^th at 10:00 a.m. EST.

For more information and REGISTRATION-- Go HERE!

The most effective way to parent is to arm yourself with information…and then to act on it!

Hope you'll join our discussion!

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Do Online Petitions Work? Experts Say Yes and I Am Counting on It!

2011-06-10T19:50:00.003-05:00

Don't make a Black Mom Angry

Do online petitions work? Do they effectuate change? Yes, they do. Jane Cravens of CoyoteCommunications.com discusses the evolution of online petitions from the early form of email petitions that proved to be unreliable and ineffective to the newest website-based versions that have impressive track records. Cravens highlights the online petition successes of Change.org that are numerous and impressive. Randy Paynter, founder of petitionsite.com, defends online petitions against charges that they are nothing more than feel-good perpetuators of a new "Slacktivism" trend. Paynter says online petitions are very impactful tools. He lists a number of petition successes that include a 90,000 signature petition that was instrumental in the release of imprisoned journalists in North Korea, and a 70,000 signature petition that influenced the military to spare the life of an abandoned puppy brought home from Baghdad by Sergeant Gwen Beberg. There are lots of examples of favorable petition outcomes-- high profile and low, big petitions and small.

And so with success in mind, here are three results I hope that my African-American Moms for Clean Air petition will achieve:

1. Inform- Despite the fact that my Houston is one of the most polluted cities in the nation, creating a population of sick adults and children and putting a drain on our health providers and health care dollars, most Houstonians only think about the air when it’s high pollen time and everyone is miserable. They don’t think about it because, I suspect, they don’t feel they can do anything to make it better. I hope by reaching out to mothers, I can spread the word about just how bad the air really is—how much it is impacting our health—and I hope I can let moms everywhere know about efforts to make a change for the better.

   2. Motivate- Activism often begins small. As Randy Paynter points out, “Ask any hardcore activist you know - their first action probably wasn't storming the White House. Usually, activists start with simple steps…” The first steps need to be about informing and uniting those who have a vested interest in the cause. African-American mothers should know about the pressing need to clean up the air. Their children are the most negatively impacted by pollution. Starting out with a petition, I believe, is a way to take a step toward making a difference at a critical time. Letting the EPA know that we care about their toxics rules; that we are watching; and that we vote, is an important message to send at this point in the EPA’s rule making process.

      The moms I spoke to about activism lamented that they have so many competing interests and time commitments. In order to get involved, they say, they need a pressing cause and an easy point of entry. So voila-- here is a petition you can sign right on Facebook. Points of entry don’t get any easier than that! This petition will be delivered to the EPA by email and post.

And if I know my sister-friends as I think I do, once they are hot on a mission, they are warriors. Paynter asserts: "A recent independent study showed individuals who first signed an online petition associated with a nonprofit were 7 times more likely to subsequently donate to that organization than those who had not signed." Neither I nor the Moms Clean Air Force are asking for money. Just simple action. And I believe that once African-American mothers know the facts, they will be concerned enough to continue to act. As Tyler Perry likes to say, “Don’t make a Black woman take off her earrings!” There are some things that should rile up a mom enough to take off her earrings and prepare to fight. Her children’s health is one of those things!

3. Be Counted- Now that the EPA has published its Mercury and Air Toxics Standards, it will receive public comment until July 5^th. And the standards will be finalized in November 2011. We Black mothers, whose families have the most to gain from higher standards and cleaner air, need to be heard and counted among the voices calling for high standards. When we speak out, we empower ourselves and those fighting to improve our lives.

We have so much we African-American mothers are fighting for. So many battles on behalf of our children—for equal education, against the pre-school-to-prison-pipeline, to end our own unemployment rates… I could go on and on... just about the issues unique to our communities. But none of these problems are isolated islands. They are all related and interconnected— education is related to jobs, which is related to access to resources, which is related to better education and more effective advocacy. The only time we can really choose one over the other is when the timing for action on one is more pressing and immediate. This is where we are with clean air right now. The Mercury standard rules have been 30 years in the making and the moment is now to make them meaningful and beneficial to everyone.

So I am confident African-American moms will step up and represent for our kids!

Gina

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!
****
Please join the Moms Clean Air Force to help us fight for clean air for our kids. We need your voice! Thank you!
****

Psychology Today-- I Am Done With You Forever!

2011-05-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

Psychology Today, I used to love you, but now I am DONE! You've made your decision to print sensationalism (for attention and click-throughs) over responsible and meaningful content. And you've lost at least this reader forever.

I may be ugly...but I'm not stupid!

[I am not going to link to your cite. I am not going to mention the name of the offending author. And I refuse to link to the controversial article.]

No more needs to be said about this subject...ever!

EPA's Lisa P. Jackson Representin' on Jon Stewart-- Just Right!

2011-05-25T23:34:00.003-05:00

Click Picture for video

Lisa J. Jackson, the current EPA Administrator, was cool, collected, and low key when she appeared on the Jon Stewart show this week. I appreciated her demeanor. As the Administrator for an agency under attack, she has to be credible, authoritative and solid. She has to make folks feel that the person minding the E.P.A. store is dedicated, proactive and results-oriented. I felt that she was an effective counter-point to the overly-reactionary and inflammatory behavior of the opposition and perhaps, her predecessor. Yes, the Republicans. She didn’t want to say it, but Stewart did and I will, too.

I like that she spoke in a low key tone of confidence and assurance. She laughed easily and seemed comfortable with Stewart’s banter. Not only did she exude credibility and truthfulness, but rock solid on the facts. When Stewart presented the question about the cost of environmental clean-up, she let him know that she wasn’t just relying on estimations and projections (even though they demonstrate that over the last forty years air and water quality improved while our GDP was up 207%), but she could also point to companies (half the power plants in the country) who have already complied with mercury standards and are doing just fine economically. That’s a big deal. She didn’t mention that these plants were coal-fired power plants, but she made it crystal clear that the non-compliant plants are responsible for mercury poisoning and all of the illness and premature deaths associated with it.

I think some of the most important statements she made was that the EPA is not a liberal extremist invention, but a 40-year-old agency established under a Republican president; that the protections we are working so hard to uphold had unanimous bipartisan support; and that because the EPA is doing its job and because its efforts are working, people have become complacent about assuring its continued success and effectiveness. Judging from the audience’s thunderous response, these points were well taken.

It seemed to me that Jackson made the decision not to use The Jon Stewart Show as a venue to overtly recruit the public. She, instead, took the opportunity to dispel perceptions of the EPA as a scary, overbearing agency, and effectively gave the EPA a friendly, accessible face and a voice of reason, credibility and assurance. One of her stated goals is to renew the public’s trust in the EPA. In my part of the world, the EPA is the big government bad guy making life miserable for the energy sector. From where I stand, a shift in perception is crucial.

Jackson is clearly on a mission. She seems to be seizing every opportunity to spread her message and crush the untruths, rhetoric and propaganda spewing forth from the other side. In furtherance of this, she seems to be everywhere. When she is not testifying before Congress—a task she says she has been called to do more than any other cabinet member-- she speaks everywhere, she blogs , contributes articles , is interviewed and attends conferences. And She is on Facebook and Twitter. I think she is true to her goals and quite effective in all of these venues. The Jon Stewart Show is just one stop along her way and I think she worked it just right!

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Scholastic: A Black Mother Thanks You. But She's Watching You, too!

2011-05-21T12:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Scholastic,

Of the 34.7 million students who attend U.S. elementary and middle public schools, 15.6% are African American. Those African-American children are 3 times more likely to die from asthma and visit emergency rooms 4.5 times more for asthma related problems. They have a 250% higher hospitalization rate and a 500% higher death rate from asthma. Seventy-one percent of Africa Americans live in counties that violate federal air pollution standards.

So the idea that African American children (any child, really, but these children in particular) would be subjected to the American Coal Foundation’s “United States of Energy” curriculum, written and promoted by Scholastic, is appalling. According to PRI’s Living on Earth, the “United States of Energy” curriculum extols the benefits of coal use (coal fired power plants) without any mention of its detrimental impacts. In response to this charge of imbalance, a Scholastic representative responded by email: "Since the program is designed for elementary schoolchildren, the materials do not attempt to cover all of the complex issues around the sourcing and consumption of energy." Hmm, as a Texan, this simplistic, re-formulation of truth and history in educational curriculum sounds eerily familiar and utterly disturbing.

Likely, a disproportionate number of African-American children in those 66,000 classrooms who have been subjected to this curriculum are living the impact of the pollution caused by coal-fired power plants. Unlike the depictions included in the curriculum, these plants have smoke stacks from which all kinds of poisonous toxins spew-- one of the most toxic being mercury. One-in-six children are born every year with mercury levels high enough to impair their mental and motor development. Among African-American children the numbers are proportionately higher. Other power plant pollutants like sulfur dioxide, particulate matter, nitrogen oxides and carbon dioxide are closely related to pediatric asthma among other health issues. Particulate Matter has been tied specifically to the development and exacerbation of asthma in African American children. It is highly likely, then, that some of the children in each of those classes have asthma, and if so, it’s even more likely those asthmatic children are African-American.

As an African-American mother deeply concerned about the health of my family, community and the children of this nation, I want to express my appreciation for your decision to scrap this project. I love the idea of educating children about how energy is generated to meet our growing consumption. There are so many important lessons here that our future leaders and citizens need to know, not the least of which is the cost and consequences of our energy use and choices. Students need to be given a balanced, accurate and fair representation of the subject—the good, the bad and the ugly. This was clearly not the intention of this curriculum, since important information, like the downside of coal use, is conspicuously missing. I personally believe even a fourth grader deserves to know part of the reason that inhaler is in his or her pocket.

As an old parent, I have learned that in order to encourage positive change or meaningful habit-forming, one must use positive reinforcement. I am acting on the assumption that positive reinforcement—that is, encouraging good results by rewarding positive change—works for companies, too. So I will refrain from traveling down a “what the hell were you thinking?” line of discussion about Scholastic’s decision to join with the American Coal Foundation on this curriculum. And instead, I choose to focus on your recent decision to abort this ill-conceived effort.

You have been a trusted presence in schools, public and private, certainly as long as I have been a parent. Through five children and a whole lot of bedtime reading, you have provided my family with enjoyable literary choices—The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids, What to do About Alice?, Chasing Vermeer... You brought us Harry Potter, for Heaven’s sake! My oldest son loved your Goosebumps series. And even though I found those books a bit too disturbing for bedtime reading (at least for my own sensibilities), I sincerely believe they gave my son a major boost toward increased independent reading. I have participated in many of your book fairs in schools across this country and all of my kids have taken part in your book clubs. I have not always appreciated having those order forms shoved in my face at end of school day. But I have appreciated the excitement they create for little readers everywhere. I am one of a huge number of parents who have grown up with you, raised our children with you—trusted you.

I appreciate your willingness to revisit the appropriateness of promoting educational material that is lacking balance and truth by omission about a reality so detrimental to our air, environment and our health.

SO thank you for re-thinking your rationale and your support of this ill-intentioned campaign. Thank you for putting a stop to it. Is it too little too late? Perhaps, since tens of thousands of classrooms have already received the materials. Still, I want to go on record as praising your decision now.

And I want to encourage you to remain vigilant. Scholastic is on my radar now. I am watching closely. Not just you, but the American Coal Foundation. I am watching for the obvious—like the American Coal Foundation’s and other’s efforts to stall the EPA's Mercury and Air Toxics Standards to enforce the Clean Air Act. And I am watching for the more insidious, like this attempt at school- level propaganda. But I want you to know I appreciate that Scholastic (finally) did the right thing here.

Thank you,

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Young Environmentalists: Green Teens and Clever Kids

2011-04-21T22:54:00.000-05:00

Studies show that kids, particularly teens, are eco-savvy these days. Unlike most of their parents, this generation of kids has grown up with a consciousness about the environment and our threat upon it. I reported two years ago that in many households children are taking the lead in making their homes more eco-friendly and their families more environmentally conscious. The “Care About America” Survey, which canvassed the country seeking the input of children aged 6 to 11, showed that ninety-percent of children questioned believed that taking care of the environment was important. According to the survey, 82% of the kids said that they recycle. Eighty-three percent reported that they turn off the lights when they leave a room; 84% said that they turn off the tap when they're brushing their teeth; and 65% said that they pack their lunches in reusable containers.

In addition, research shows that adolescents who are actively concerned about the environment, or “Green Teens,” are a particularly sophisticated and communicative group. A study conducted by JupiterResearch found that along with their commitment to environmental issues, Green Teens are influential peer-communicators and more likely to participate in social media and contribute to online communities. Of the general population of teens surveyed, 53% were environmentally-focused. And among that 53%, their environmental unease ranged from “worried” to “highly concerned.”

Since young environmentalists are so active and committed, it seems fitting to take a look at what they are up to in the way of making a difference. Here are a few young folks who are taking the matter of pollution into their own hands:

Plastic Bags Be Gone!

The E.P.A’s blog recently featured the eCoppel Club. This high school group is dedicated to eliminating plastic bags in their town. After they compiled their own research and found that less than 10% of their community used cloth bags instead of plastic, the eCoppel Club endeavored to reduce plastic bags use by distributing 5000 free cloth bags to the community. According to the E.P.A. blog, the club members went door-to-door and gave presentations at various activities to raise money to purchase the cloth bags. And with the support of local businesses, they set a goal at initially reducing plastic bag usage by 8%. But this is only the beginning for this group. They have their sights on getting plastic bags banned in their city. And then they want to influence other to do the same nationwide…maybe even worldwide!

Click HERE for 10 Reasons Why Single-Use Plastic Bags Are Big Time Pollutants.

Children Saving Animals In the Gulf

April 20^th, 2011 was the one year anniversary of the BP Gulf oil spill, the worst oil spill in petroleum industry history. The National Wildlife Federation’s website is currently sharing some of the many ways children came to the aid of wildlife adversely affected by conditions in the Gulf post-spill. One such shining example is Olivia of Atlanta, Georgia. After hearing about the oil spill in class, the third grader came up with the idea for Flip Flop Friday, where students agree to donate at least $1 to the National Wildlife Federation for the opportunity to wear flip-flops to school for the one day. In order to promote the fundraising event, Olivia made posters, gave speeches during the school announcements, and educated fellow students about the spill and the impact on animals. Olivia's goal of $500 turned into more than $900 from the students, which was then matched by a corporation to bring a total of $1,840.

Click HERE for other inspiring stories of kids making a difference in the Gulf.

Click HERE to see learn how the BP Gulf oil spill has affected air quality in the region

You Call it Lunch Trash. I Call It Compost!

Fifth grader, Michael Lang, of Winsor, Colorado has taken the lead in getting his school to recycle compostable waste left over from during the lunch period. As a result, Grandview Elementary School is the first to compost in their county. Michael hopes the idea catches on. He told the local paper, “I think the world will be doing great if other people catch on with this.” And you can imagine the enormous impact composting the ongoing and considerable waste generated during school lunch periods will have on the community. As Cornell University Composting points out, the beauty of composting in schools is that it not only helps keep waste out of landfills, which will reduce methane gas emissions, but it also provides a “way of instilling in children a sense of environmental stewardship.” With composting, kids learn lessons about reducing, reusing, and recycling their solid waste, AND they can experience the entire cycle which turns “worthless and gross” food discards into something that is “pleasant to handle and is good for the soil.”

The impact from just one school can be impressive. One upstate New York school that initiated a similar school composting program, found that in just 6 months almost 30 tons of waste (ordinarily headed for the landfill) was diverted to a local composting program where local horticulture and agriculture benefitted. The compost was also used for other purposes such as erosion control. 30 TONS!

One of the benefits of composting is that it helps manage the solid waste stream and the resulting production of greenhouse gas emissions from landfills. Though co-composting facilities have emission problems of their own, since composting is a source of GHGs, volatile organic compounds (VOCs)/ reactive organic gases (ROG), particulate matter, and ammonia (NH₃), facilities that follow E.P.A. specifications can achieve the benefits of composting without pollution.

Click HERE to see how Nantucket co-composts without pollution.

Click HERE to learn more about School Composting.

Click HERE to learn how to start a composting program in your school.

In the fight for clean air and environmental responsibility, kids and teens are at the forefront-- showing us that making an impact only takes a desire and the gumption to take action! Congratulations to you all...and thank you!

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Love Letter to Hilton Kelley-- Texas' Goldman Environmental Prize Winner

2011-04-13T17:06:00.001-05:00

Photo credit: roy.luck via Wikimedia Commons

Dear Mr. Hilton Kelley,

Congratulations on your recognition as a one of the 2011 winners of the Goldman Environmental Prize. The Goldman Prize is often referred to as the "green Nobel Prize." It is awarded to six individuals from around the world whose extraordinary grassroots efforts protect the planet.You are a hero, an inspiration and beyond well-deserving of such an honor.

I applaud you for your commitment. As I understand the reports, you came home to celebrate Mardi Gras just to find Port Arthur’s West side, home predominantly to African-Americans and eight major industrial plants, in an aggressive downward economic spiral. You knew that behind your city’s failure to thrive was the slew of refineries and what their emissions are doing to the residents there. You returned from the comfort of your California lifestyle to take on a herculean effort. According to the Washington Post, you returned to Port Arthur to discover that the air of your city still had that distinctive odor that you and your friends in your youth called “the smell of money.” That smell came from emissions from the refineries that, back in the day, represented the best sources for jobs and local prosperity. But that smell also represents the increase in occurrences of premature death and chronic illness due to cancer, childhood asthma and other respiratory ailments. The cost for those jobs and that prosperity was too high.

I applaud you for your tenacity. You decided shortly after your visit that since there was no one to step up and fight for the survival of your town, it had to be you. And so, incredibly, you moved back, and you took on the fight. And you became known as the man who “doesn’t give up”, who won’t take no for an answer, and who has made an enormous positive impact on environmental protections for Port Arthur. The list of your accomplishments is awe-inspiring:

1. You successfully negotiated a deal with an expanding refinery that included new pollution controls and a $3.5 million fund to support small businesses and provide health coverage for residents of Port Arthur's west side.

2. You stopped the shipment of 20,000 tons of highly toxic PCBs from Mexico for disposal at a nearby incinerator.

3. Under your leadership, community activists have attracted the attention of the EPA who has named Port Arthur an Environmental Justice Showcase Community. This is a title given to 10 communities across the nation with disproportionate environmental burdens. The agency will award Port Arthur $100,000 over two years to supplement local efforts already in place to ‘alleviate environmental and human health challenges.’ This pilot program will serve as a template for the ‘design and implementation of future Environmental Justice projects.’ (see Inside Agitator, Texas Observer.org)

Thank you, Mr. Kelley, on behalf of all people, and particularly people of color, for your vision and your relentless representation of the poor and disenfranchised—for your pursuit of social and environmental justice. Thank you for being a model and a stalwart beacon of hope not just for the people on the west side of Port Arthur, but for all communities who are suffering at the hands of polluters with little to no resources to make life better for themselves and their families.

And finally, thank you for reminding us all that, though not everyone can do what you do, everyone can do something!

You stand with the other Goldman Environmental Prize awardees as an international hero. And I stand with you as a Texan, determined to do more and do better!

Sincerely,

Cross posted at Mom's Clean Air Force!

Click HERE to see what happens when refineries in Port Arthur go into shutdown mode (VIDEO-it’s not pretty!)

Why Clean Air is a Social Justice Issue that Black Folks Should Care About Most

2011-03-28T20:00:00.004-05:00

“At first glance, air pollution generally and power plant pollution specifically, would not seem to rank among the highest priorities for African-Americans. However, African-Americans
are disproportionately affected by power plant emissions because we are concentrated in large urban centers, suffer higher rates of asthma and share a historical bond with the developing world where climate change threatens already weak and overburdened economies. From this perspective, power plant cleanup is elevated on the long list of social justice imperatives.” The Air of Injustice, a collaborative report from The Black Leadership Forum, The Southern Organizing Committee for Economic and Social Justice, the Georgia Coalition for The People’s Agenda, and Clear the Air

Did you know that Black children have a

· 260% higher emergency room visit rate,

· 250% higher hospitalization rate, and

· 500% higher death rate from asthma, as compared with White children?
(See U.S. Dept of Health, Office of Minority Health)

If coal-fired power plant pollution is a major concern for the general population, it is a critical issue for African Americans.

Coal-fired power plants produce 386,000 tons of hazardous air pollutants per year
Coal-fired power plants produce 84 different hazardous air pollutants including:
- Acid gases, such as hydrogen chloride andhydrogen fluoride
- Benzene, toluene and other compounds
- Dioxins
- Formaldehyde
- Lead, arsenic, and other metals
- Mercury
- Radioactive materials, like radium and uranium

Sixty-eight percent of African Americans (compared to 56% of the white population) live within 30 miles of a coal-fired power plant — the distance within which the maximum effects of the smokestack plume are expected to occur.

Infants who live in highly polluted cities during the first two months of life have a higher mortality rate. High particulate matter (pollution) levels markedly increase the risk of SIDS and respiratory mortality. Since African Americans tend to live in polluted urban centers, this impacts us significantly.

(See "Air of Injustice", Air of Injustice, a collaborative report from The Black Leadership Forum, The Southern Organizing Committee for Economic and Social Justice, the Georgia Coalition for The People’s Agenda, and Clear the Air, 2002)

These statistics are frightening and should give every African-American head-of-household pause. For all that we do to improve the lives of our children, how insidious is this quiet killer, that while we strive to improve our diets and the safety of our neighborhoods, the very air we are breathing is undermining our efforts. Legislators,unethical corporations and their lobbyists are deciding as a matter of policy that the human life nearest and most affected by these power plants are expendable and less important. And we, distracted by all of the other challenges that impact our day-to-day, allow decisionmakers to deprioritize our children.

In furtherance of the Clean Air Act, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency recently proposed rules that would regulate toxic air emissions-- including mercury, lead, arsenic and acid gas pollution-- from coal-fired power plants. The E.P.A.’s proposed regulations will, for the first time, limit on how much mercury or other toxic pollutants power plants can emit. This is an important move toward cleaning up the air and making our environment livable for everyone, especially us.

I encourage you to know the facts:

Go HERE for a Fact Sheet on the proposed rules.

Go HERE for the Plain English Guide to the Clean Air Act .

And I urge you to get angry and concerned enough to send your comments to the EPA to this email address: a-and-r-docket@epa.gov

Emails should reference these Docket ID numbers:

Docket ID No. EPA-HQ-OAR-2011-0044 (NSPS action)

Docket ID No. EPA-HQ-OAR-2009-0234 (NESHAP action)

From a public health perspective, what is good for our children is good for the entire country. Every one loses when we allow companies to poison our air. From a social justice perspective, the disproportionate impact of power plants on the poor and people of color is a human rights matter and our response to it is an exercise in self-determination over victimization. Every person has a right to clean air and a healthy environment. Every human life is valuable.

Below is a Sample email to the E.P.A. I invite and encourage you to use it with your own signature:

To: a-and-r-docket@epa.gov

Subject Box: Docket ID No. EPA-HQ-OAR-2011-0044 (NSPS action)

Docket ID No. EPA-HQ-OAR-2009-0234 (NESHAP action)

Ladies and Gentlemen:

On behalf of my family and my community, I urge you to maintain the high standards you have set for the enforcement of the Clean Air Act. I am well aware that my community, the African American community, suffers far greater negative impacts from the emissions of coal-fired power plants. I know that we experience substantially higher emergency room visit rates, hospitalization rates, and death rates from asthma and other respiratory ailments due to this kind of pollution.

My children are not expendable. I no longer wish for them to be sacrificed in furtherance of someone else’s business bottom line. The pollutants that make my community’s children sicker, lower performing and suffer diminished quality of life also cost our families in elevated health care costs and increased missed days from work.

I have had enough. I am fully in support of the enforcement of the Clean Air Act and strict rules for coal-fired power plants in the name of our children and future generations to come.

Sincerely,

[Your Name Here]

For other ways you can act for clean air, go HERE!

Click the link below to see why I care about clean air and what I am doing about it--

The Canaries in the Coal Mine—Why I Care About Clean Air— An explanation and a disclosure!

Stepping Down From the Soapbox for now...

Scared Straight After All These Years: Bad Policy, Good TV?

2011-01-09T18:16:00.003-06:00

Remember Scared Straight!, the original 1978 documentary directed by Arnold Shapiro and narrated by Peter Falk? This documentary was a groundbreaking television special about a group of young and cocky juvenile law offenders who, as part of a juvenile rehabilitation program, got to come face-to-face with hardened criminals who told them about the harsh realities of prison life… in the most graphic of terms. Inmates in a New Jersey jail, some lifers, didn’t just describe their prison lives for the youngsters. They also screamed at, threatened, berated and belittled them, all in an effort to scare them straight.

When this Academy award-winning show aired, it didn’t just scare the kids straight! I, like many of my adult friends, had never before been exposed to the inside of a prison and the scary people who are incarcerated there. We had previously only heard distant rumors about prison life. And those distant rumors were terrifying enough. But with this documentary, the inmates, both victims and victimizers, openly explained the truth. And their truth was excruciatingly hard to hear and yet undeniably captivating. The captivating part, harsh and intense footage, was undoubtedly why Scared Straight! became a cultural phenomenon and a household term. The power of the original Scared Straight! program inspired dozens of inmate-run intervention programs in men's and women's prisons across the country and in at least nine other countries. And it garnered a great deal of scrutiny, debate and study.

Those who watched had no doubt that the Scared Straight experience would do what it was supposed to do—keep kids out of jail. But the experts were not so sure. According to the producers, the film made a huge impact on the participants. The documentary’s follow-ups and updates -- Scared Straight: Another Story (1980), Scared Straight! Ten Years Later (1987) and Scared Straight! 20 Years Alter (1999)-- indicate that not all but most of the original kids straightened out and became law abiding citizens. None of them were ever tried for a felony. On the other hand, there is a considerable body of evidence that indicates these programs are not effective. Controlled studies suggest that though they may intuitively seem effective, Scared Straight programs do not deter crime in youth, and may, in fact, increase delinquency and be detrimental to the juvenile participants.

This is curious given the proliferation and persistence of these programs over the years. It is evident that the Scared Straight intervention model has long been popular among policymakers and funders. For example, despite the studies’ findings indicating that the programs don’t work, the governor of Illinois signed a bill into law requiring that at-risk high school students tour a state prison. Even now, Scared Straight programs continue to be funded and run nationwide.

Regardless of their apparent real-world ineffectiveness, there is no doubt that in our current reality-show-driven media, Scared Straight programs make for tantalizing TV…still. A&E Network is planning to air Beyond Scared Straight, a new series executive produced by Arnold Shapiro (the original Scared Straight director), that will profile similar Scared Straight programs and other approaches to juvenile crime prevention in prisons around the U.S. The four-part series premieres Thursday, January 13 at 10PM ET/PT with a special 90-minute episode at a women’s prison in central California.

I’ve previewed the premiere episode which features the Crossroads Program at Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, California. And I must say, the women showcased therein (both the troubled girls and the prison inmates), deliver the expected shock and drama we’ve come to associate with Scared Straight programming. This female group of juvenile delinquents start out talking tough and seem quite proud of their legal entanglements. Some of them are looking forward to the day in prison, they say. They think it will be “fun.” At one point, when the girls are touring the open prison yard, one girl comes face-to-face with her mother, who, unbeknownst to her, is an inmate. In all, the program has the same impact on me as the original. The inmates are scary, the conditions are harsh and there is still nothing about prison I ever want to experience first-hand. With regard to what happens to the girls, I don’t want to be a spoiler. But suffice it to say, it’s not pretty.

The Beyond Scared Straight episode opens with this statement:

Girls, when they commit their crimes, they think because they are female, they are going to get away with more. They don’t recognize the consequences that can come to them until it’s too late.

Perhaps this is why the Scared Straight approach has been chosen for them. Honestly, given the studies on these programs and the life circumstances of some of the girls, I wonder if their circumstances can support a change for the better should they choose to make it. One girl had a very dysfunctional relationship with her mother. She was convicted of misdemeanor vandalism and had violated her probation. She had a history of violence and physically abusing to her mother. You could see in the interviews that their relationship was deeply troubled. So even if she decided to make a positive change, could she be successful in the same home environment? As one researcher points out in a Journal of Correctional Education article, "Another Look at Scared Straight", there is no program that can end juvenile delinquency. He says:

To expect a two-hour program to combat a condition that involves inner city schools, poverty, and dysfunctional families was unrealistic…[U]nfortunately the Scared Straight program was effective with those that didn't really need it, but remained ineffective for kids that had already been in juvenile correctional facilities.

All of the girls in the Beyond Scared Straight episode are facing jail time for their offenses. The girl who was convicted of vandalism has already spentmore than forty days in juvenile hall.

I was also disturbed by the racial make-up of the girls versus the inmates. The group of delinquent girls is all Hispanic and Anglosaxon. The majority of the inmates who were featured-- those who did the most talking and threatening-- were African-American. If the justification for this choice of “cast” was that the majority of the inmates were African-American (which is not apparent from the episode), then certainly African-American girls are at greater risk and should be included in the Scared Straight program, no? The contrast between the girls and the inmates and the "victimized" inmates versus the victimizers was conspicuously stereotypical, I felt, reinforcing and playing on stereotypic notions of Black aggression and White fear.

The Crossroads Program had some different components that distinguish it from the original. One such component was that each girl was matched with an inmate for a one-on-one talk. During these talks, the inmates shared more of their personal stories and showed more compassion and concern for the girls. This seemed to have a meaningful affect on them. The inmates were clearly interested in helping the girls stay out of prison. Their stories were profound cautionary tales about repeatedly being in the wrong place at the wrong time and making the wrong choices. Ultimately, the girls admitted that the inmates’ histories mirrored their own.

If these programs are not keeping young girls out of trouble, perhaps at least they are helping the inmates find purpose and a way to give back. Historically, inmates have found the interaction and purpose of Scared Straight efforts so rewarding that often prison facilities use programs like the Crossroads Program as part of an inmate reward system. In one program, male inmates who participated in the Scared Straight program had earned, through good behavior, the right to speak to a group of teens for one morning. The inmates believed this was a privilege and enjoyed the time spent speaking to the boys. They felt they were making a “meaningful contribution.” Perhaps the longevity of the Scared Straight approach has more to do with the benefits to adult inmates than the kids. Certainly, there is value in creating positive incentives for incarcerated adults.

I’ll be interested to see what other programs the “Beyond Scared Straight” series showcases. I think this premiere program offers a little more than just provocative television programming. I’m hoping when I tune in for the other three segments, I don’t just find high drama and race-based fear baiting. I’m hoping I hear about actual positive outcomes and somebody getting meaningful help. Otherwise, I can just watch old episodes of Oz or Prison Break, to be reminded of the horrors of prison.

Learning to Read: Picture Books Are Important, Too!

2010-12-10T21:24:00.000-06:00

Don’t skip picture books, parents! The New York Times reports that publishers are reducing their numbers of picture book releases because parents are buying chapter books for their young children, instead of picture books. Parents are apparently feeling pressure to move their young children toward reading as soon as possible. According to the N.Y. Times article:

Parents have begun pressing their kindergartners and first graders to leave the picture book behind and move on to more text-heavy chapter books. Publishers cite pressures from parents who are mindful of increasingly rigorous standardized testing in schools.

This, to me, is a sad and short-sighted trend.

It’s not just that I think picture books are beautiful jewels and treasures. It’s that I know that for all five of my children, picture books ignited their love of reading. You can ask any of them right now what are the beloved books of their childhood and they will rattle off lists of the picture books that enchanted them as toddlers and as early readers. These are books that they wanted to read over and over again.

What I think some zealous parents are missing in their quest to create the earliest reader is that in order to be motivated to take on the task of reading, which is a labor-intensive endeavor, children have to love reading. In order to reach this level of motivation, parents should first develop a love of books. This should be the first priority. This is why every expert recommends that parents read to their children early and often. This is where the picture books come in. Picture books are actually learning tools because they keep the child engaged both visually and auditorily. And children learn better when more than one sense is engaged. Also, a beautifully illustrated picture book is a piece of art. Beautiful art will always enhance a story and delight both reader and listener. A beautiful picture book is an experience a child will want to come back to over and over again. And it’s this kind of repetition that jump starts reading.

In addition, now that our children are so media focused, so accustomed to being entertained by moving pictures and multi-sensorial experiences, picture books provide a bridge back to the written word, precisely because they are so visually appealing.

To jump right to early readers or chapter books is skipping an important step in the reading process. By skipping picture books, parents are not only bypassing some of the joy of reading, but they are skipping some important developmental steps.

In the name of expediency, they are throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Here are five of my favorite picture books:

1. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

2. Paper Bag Princess

3. Rough Faced Girl

4. Lon Po Po

5. Mr. Monkey and the Gotcha Bird

And since part of the movement away from picture books surely has to do with the dire economy, here’s a cute new and inexpensive book that my family can especially appreciate because we have a new puppy who absolutely cannot be left alone. The last time she was, she chewed through my computer’s power cord! Enjoy!

Freddi the Dog

Gratitude is Good for Our Health Says Dr. Andrew Weil and I Believe Him!

2010-11-25T08:49:00.002-06:00

According to Dr. Andrew Weil, the charismatic and holistic practitioner who I follow almost religiously, gratitude is good for our health. He sites several studies that say that thankfulness and the resulting social connectiveness bring about and help maintain good health, longevity and even prolonged survival for patients with very serious diseases.

The recent Wall Street Journal article, Thank You, No Thank You , discusses the growing body of research that suggests that habitually grateful adults:

...have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not... They're also less likely to be depressed, envious, greedy or alcoholics. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and have greater resistance to viral infections.

As if that's not enough to make you stop and write somebody a thank-you note, further research shows, according to WSJ.com, that these benefits apply to teens and children, too. Hmmm. I find it particulary interesting that studies on teens show that those who are more grateful in action and sentiment enjoy a whole laundry list of benefits. They are less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches and feel more satisfied with their friends, families and schools than those who don't.

All of that from a simple "yes, please, and thank"?

Well, yes and no. Gratitude is not just a practice. It is a state of mind, a way of looking at the world with a recognition of what is right and good and meaningful in our lives right now, instead of what is wrong, and bad and fleeting. Gratitude is a decision to travel down the glass-is-half-full road, and it is a commitment to take our loved ones with us. Dr. Weil points out that gratitude is related to social connectedness. And being socially connected makes and keeps us healthy, too. People with strong ties to family and friends
have stronger immune systems, less depression and healthier hearts. Even devotion to pets give us a more positive outlook and even helps us recover from illness faster and better.

So if you have young ones and you find yourself repeating 50 times a day, "say 'thank you', say 'thank you'"
or if you have melodramatic teens who you are constantly reminding that their lives are not ruined by one mistake or one mortifying embarrassment, remember that you are not only putting in the parenting time so that you save face later. You are putting in the gut work in order to save your child's (and your own) health and well-being now and down the road. Gratitude is taught. (Click HERE for ten ways to teach it.)

In this season of Thanksgiving, let the celebration be the beginning of a new commitment to be grateful not just today, but all year long! Just think, if everyone did this, our health insurance costs might go down. Then we'd be REALLY grateful..and that would make us get that much healthier...and who knows what might happen from there!

Happy Holidays...and thank you for stopping by!

author of 24 Things You can Do With Social Media to Help get Into College

How To Get Boys To Read

2010-11-15T17:20:00.002-06:00

How do you get boys to read? And not just read, how do you get them to really enjoy reading books for pleasure, as a pastime? Somehow it’s easier to get girls to read. Not too long ago, my daughter had a few friends to sleep over. My son, who is six years younger, was mortified when he tried to sneak into her room where they were sleeping in order to do his annoying-little-brother-routine, only to find them all awake, each with a book, quietly reading!

He ran to my bedroom, as this was about 8 am on a Saturday morning,
“Mom, mom, do you know what Jessica and her friends are doing?”
Since these are teenage girls and since the house was so quiet, I was immediately alarmed--- the worst came to mind—smoking pot? Watching porno online? What could cause such alarm?

“They are all reading books!” he exclaimed in shock and disgust, “Who does that? Who wastes time at a sleep-over reading?!? Are they the biggest nerds, or what?!?!”

These girls by no means consider themselves nerds. They just simply share a profound joy of reading. This is something I want for my son, too. I sincerely believe that he will come to it eventually because he lives in a household of readers. But since I know that the sooner he becomes a consumer of the written word, the better his school life will be and the more fulfilled he will be as an intellectual, I want him to be an outright bibliophile, like me...and I want it now!!

I have tried many things. And he is not adverse to reading. Reading is just not something he chooses first (or even second) given easier, more immediate forms of entertainment, like T.V. or video games. So I’ve started looking around to see what others have done or suggest. He is in the fifth grade and I am determined to help him become a ravenous reader by Middle School…that’s next year.

Here are some suggestions I’m going to try:

1.John Hechinger, in his Wall Street Journal article last summer, Problem: Boys Don't Like to Read. Solution: Books That Are Really Gross, suggests that boys are interested in anything gross. His article gives some interesting recommendations. Click HERE to see his list of gross books for boys.

2.The Best Website EVER for this topic is GettingBoysToRead.com. I won’t even waste your time disciphering all that is said there. Go there right now. All of the articles and suggestions are priceless. I DO NOT believe in reinventing the wheel. This site says it all. Many of the articles remind me of one important activity. Reading Aloud! We used to do this (see below), but as he got older I stopped.

3.Do Like the Homeschoolers— As I read all that is passed on at the above websites, I am reminded that my son was on the road to super-readerhood when we homeschooled. When we were homeschooling, I was able to do two important things that I no longer do. Then, my son and I read together constantly. Even after he could read, we continued to read together and aloud—me to him and him to me. The other thing we could do was read while doing. When I was reading to him, I let him move around, sometimes even play with things. It was amazing how well he listened while he moved. This is an important thing for young boys. They are able to listen better when allowed to be active. So I'm going to go back to reading together aloud and see if this still works at 10 years-old. I'll let you know how it goes.

Okay, that’s all I have… Now go to GettingBoysToRead.com. You’ll be glad you did!!!

2010 Update: So now that my son is a middle schooler and in the throws of pre-adolescence, reading is still not something he is obsessed with. But when he is choosing a book, he has begun to make a bee-line to Walter Dean Myers. Though some of the titles include topics that are somewhat mature, often covering drugs and some street violence, they keep my enthralled. They are, of course, well written. Mr. Myers is an highly regarded and award-winning author. And he keeps my son interested and talking about what is happening in the books. Yes! He actually likes to discuss these books while he is reading them. Can't get much better than that. Below are the books my son has read.

Game

Fallen Angels

Slam

Dope Sick

Click HERE for a listing of other Walter Dean Myers young adult offerings!

Happy Reading!

(This article was previously posted on 10/26/2010.)

A Bully's Bullseye

2010-10-20T20:31:00.003-05:00

I, like every other parent in the world, has been deeply disturbed and quite frankly incensed by all the news stories in the last couple of weeks, featuring kids that were bullied beyond what they could bear. Kids by nature are resilient. They learn to adapt to new situations and surroundings much quicker and easier than their adult counterparts. Hence, it really concerns me when a child has been pushed so hard that they can no longer stand living.

This topic touches rather close to home for me. No, I don’t have any horror stories to tell you about being bullied as a child, at least not from other children. When I was a youngster, the adults in my life bullied me enough; but that’s another story for another post. Unfortunately, my concern is for my kids, primarily my son. It’s funny, though, as big as my son is, you would think bullying would be one less thing I would have to worry about. But alas it is not.

You see, my son has a very gently nature. He writes poetry, plays chess, and consistently makes good grades (so he can get into a good college and subsequently get a good job). He certainly is not someone most 13-year olds would consider cool. To the contrary, a lot of his peers consider him soft. But there is still that size thing. Naturally, any little bully, trying to make himself feel tough, is going to pick on the big, soft kid, because he’s not going to fight back. What easier way to get yourself some street “creds”.

But before you jump to conclusions about my son, there are a few things you should know about him and our family. My son comes from a very loving, mostly peaceful home. We regularly attend church and participate in community service projects. And the people we associate with do these things too. He has never really been exposed to the ugly side of life. Pretty much everyone he has ever been around, up until he entered middle school, was nice and positive. So never in a million years, would my son expect some pint-sized 7th grader to sucker punch him, because he didn’t like the outcome of a flag football game played during recess.
When my son came home from school, with visible evidence on his face that he had been in a physical altercation, I was understandably upset; but probably not for the reason most of you are thinking. Bear in mind, we had been down this road before. Last year, my son got hit by a kid he was playing the dozens with, when my son made a remark that obviously hit too close to home. The kid reacted, by punching my son in the eye. My son did not want to get in trouble or expelled for fighting, so he reported the incident to the principal.
When called into the principal’s office, my husband and I were asked if we wanted to press charges against the little boy, who assaulted my son. We declined to involve the law, primarily because at the time we felt that 1) boys will boys and 2) the assailant’s stepfather is a close childhood friend of my husband’s.

However, as a lesson learned from that incident, we told my son that first of all he needs to watch what he says about people; because he never knows what they are dealing with and his words could seriously set them off. And secondly, why in the hell did he allow someone to get all up in his personal space that they could smack him in the first place.

Seeing how he had been in this situation before, I was kind of ticked that my son had allowed yet another little boy (4’ 11’’ by my son’s account) to get close enough to pop him (someone who’s almost a foot taller) in the eye. Not to mention, that I know my son knows how to defend himself. After all he has been taught by the best; his father, a former bodyguard to the stars.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning violence, but I’m also not advocating allowing yourself to become a human punching bag. Because my son failed to defend himself, yet again, I was afraid the he had set himself up to become a bully’s bull’s-eye. I told him that now all the little boys, with self-esteem issue, are going to buck up to him, to try to make themselves feel tough. Unless, of course, he puts a stop to it. After all, bullies, like criminals, tend to pick the easiest targets. The ones that seem like they won’t fight back.

Now, I know some kids, can’t fight back, because they suffer from some physical, mental or emotional impairment. However, kids not in one of these categories should be taught to defend themselves, both physically and emotionally, from bullies. That’s how you shut a bully down. Because the last thing a bully is interested in is a fair fight. After all that’s why they’re bullies.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com or check me out on Facebook at facebook.com/authorkimberlyclark

The Butterfly Effect: Personal Power and Global Responsibility

2010-10-02T12:01:00.003-05:00

Andy Andrew’s The Boy Who Changed the World is a gem of a concept in a gem of a book. I have been talking about Andrew’s handling of the Butterfly Effect everywhere I go lately because it is a great way to illustrate an important and timely lesson for kids, especially teens (and adults for that matter). The idea is that every action you take, every decision you make, no matter how small and seemingly inconsequential, has a ripple affect that goes immediately beyond you to those around you…and then beyond to those around those around you… until it impacts everyone on earth for all time. This book for children so wonderfully shows the truth of this concept. I think I especially love the stories Andrews tells because they involve George Washington Carver, a brilliant and productive American who I have a special affection for. Andrews relays the story of Carver’s tragic childhood and then how he in turn influences the life of another promising young man.

The truth is that every single person has promise. And not just promise, every single person is changing the world in their way. The things we say to others; the actions we take; the actions we don’t take—we may never know the long trail of influence and consequences that come from what we do, for better or for worse.

I think getting kids to understand this concept is so powerful. Think about the issues in the news headlines right now involving juvenile behavior—like the increasing incidences of suicide due to cyber-bullying and the most recent case at Rutgers University of the two college students who decided to broadcast a video of a roommate’s sexual encounter without his knowledge. I don’t believe for a minute that those students thought about the possible outcome of their actions. I don’t think they contemplated that the victim might kill himself by jumping from a bridge; that they might end up all over the news as hate-crime criminals who might serve long jail terms. And what about the other people impacted—what about the other victim on the video? What about all of their families? What about the other students in the dorm? What about other men and women who are just discovering their own sexuality and are unsure and perhaps insecure about it? I could list the trail of people profoundly hurt by the actions of these students. But none of us can begin to know of all the people who hear about the story worldwide and what this will mean and cause them to feel and/or do. These two student’s actions have set in motion a wave of consequences that has and will forever change the world. Is that an over-statement? I honestly don’t think so.

For one thing, the victim was an accomplished violinist. No one will ever witness his music live again. His contribution to the world of music is now forever cut off. All of the people he might have inspired, or whose lives he may have brightened, or the people his music may have helped fall in love or just help to make it through another day. That wave of influence will never happen—ever. On the other hand, this accident will likely cause laws to change, and curriculums to be put in place, and counseling services and support groups and tolerance initiatives. Perhaps people will become more careful and minds more tolerant.

The same is true for other unfortunate stories in the news, like the Brooklyn teen who hit a deliveryman while she was texting on her phone. I am sure she did not expect to render brain dead the innocent man who was a recent immigrant from China. But she has forever changed and redirected many lives—not just those of his three children and wife--but an ever-widening circle of beings spanning all the way back to the victim’s homeland and beyond.
This lesson about the incredible power each of us has to change the world has a very bright side to it, too. When people pursue their passions and interests, their capacity to impact the world with their efforts is endless, literally. Like George Washington Carver and his long, long laundry list of inventions and patents for the uses of ordinary things like peanuts and sweet potatoes. All the while that he was doing his thing, he was touching and teaching and inspiring people—some he knew and many, I am sure, he never met or knew existed. This is still true far beyond his death. Some people he touched would and will go on to be great, like Henry Wallace, mentioned in Andrew’s book, and some in areas totally unrelated to anything Carver’s ever done.

When you know that your choices and decisions are rippling out into the universe, seems to me you are a bit more careful, perhaps a little more deliberate. For teens, just the tiny step of realizing that your choices are not all about just you—that tiny step is progress. Carrie James’ research results (as Director and Principal Investigator of Project Zero at the Harvard Graduate School of Education) involving young people’s use and approach to technology speaks to the need for this understanding of personal impact. Her and her colleague’s studies have found that young folks are lacking in ethical thinking when they use the Internet. They really do not think of the consequences of their actions beyond themselves and to some degree those people they know. And since much of the Internet involves interacting with people you do not know, it’s significant that young Internet users don’t really consider the worldwide audience at their disposal when they are doing what they do online. This explains the proliferation of cyber-bullying, sexting, and the dangerous over-sharing and over-exposure that is going on among the young online.

At the risk of being idealistic and overly simplistic, I think there is a profound need to share this butterfly effect concept espoused by Andrews to explore how we must be responsible for how we are contributing to the world. We really can’t guarantee that our intentions will always end up to be beneficial, but we should at least start with that goal. And if we could just begin to teach our kids about the reality that their community is global (according to Butterfly Effect principles, it always has been global. The Internet has just made the ripples travel at the speed of light), perhaps we can help them make better decisions and think beyond themselves as much as developmentally possible.

This book’s premise is so effectively laid out It tells the story of how a small group of young men change the world in interrelated and unexpected ways. I read it to my kids and they were mesmerized by the interconnectedness of these great people in our nation’s history.

I strongly recommend it to families. Andrews also has another book, The Butterfly Effect, which covers the same ground for an adult audience. This may be a more appropriate choice for teens.

Disclosure: I was given these two books free of charge to read and review. I don’t do this kind of thing often—promote others in exchange for free stuff. But I am so very glad to have had an opportunity to experience these books. So more than a disclosure, this is an expression of gratitude! Thank you, Mr. Andrews. Your books will be a permanent part of our family library!

Motherhood: The Oldest Form of Identity Theft

2010-09-24T16:19:00.002-05:00

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending an invigorating retreat, hosted by the Missouri City Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., the first Greek letter organization founded for African-American women. The attendees were all fabulous, college-educated women, many of whom were mothers and grandmothers. All of the seminars were dynamic and energizing, but perhaps the most powerful workshop was the one on balancing work and family life.
It was obvious from the ensuing discussion that the vast majority of the workshop participants felt overwhelmed by their day to day responsibilities.

No big shocker there. It’s a well known fact that balancing work and family life is hard; even when you have help. What did surprise me, though, was the large percentage of women, in the small group, who are still struggling with losing their identity to motherhood, in this day and age. Although, “losing their identity” is probably not an accurate assessment of the dilemma, since most mothers, especially new ones, are seemingly all too eager to simply give it away.

Don’t get me wrong, I surely don’t believe any mother intentionally forgets what her likes and dislikes are for the sake of motherhood. To the contrary, I think it all starts off rather innocently.
When a child is firstborn, he or she is totally dependent on his or her parents for everything. And let’s face it; in the majority of households, the mother is doing the bulk of the providing. To attend to the needs of her helpless baby, mothers often forgo their sleeping, eating and even showering time.
As the child grows, she stops hanging out with friends or attending sorority or other community functions, so she can take the child to a birthday party or soccer practice. And this trend continues until the kid packs up and heads off to college or some other adulthood destination.

Please understand that I am not condemning mothers, who take an active role in their kids’ lives. As a matter of fact, I honestly believe being present in your children’s lives is the only way to successfully parent them. To this day, I know most of my kids’ friends, classmates and teammates personally, because I regularly served as their class or team mom. However, as soon as my kids got old enough to be dropped off or coordinate a carpool (and now one is driving herself- yikes), I took a step back and got a life.

In order to be the best parent they can possibly be, I think it is imperative for mothers to carve out some time for themselves. Some time to refresh and renew or resentment will certainly ensue. I believe it is important not only for the mom, but for her children too. I think this is especially true if you have daughters. You don’t want to perpetuate the cycle of sacrificing your identity for your children’s sake into the next generation.

When I was young, I thought life ended at 30. I never saw the mother figures in my life doing anything, but going to work or the grocery store. There was no such thing as meeting a friend for lunch, a movie or a play. They had no life and they were miserable. And guess what, they took their frustrations out on me and my siblings.
When my daughter got old enough to notice, I wanted her to know that you could be a career woman, wife and mother and still maintain an active social life. As a result, at a minimum I continue to go to my regularly scheduled community meetings and gym sessions, even when I don’t feel like it. Occasionally, I manage to throw in a lunch date or meet a friend for a drink. I make sure my kids know that this is my time. Not surprisingly, when I return from doing something just for me, I feel refreshed and renewed. With a greater sense of self and I am able to focus on what I want and need out of life.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com or check me out on facebook at facebook.com/authorkimberlyclark

The Power of Touch: a Reminder

2010-09-11T16:52:00.006-05:00

When I first heard about this story, I cried. It is so profound, so significant, and yet so basic. An Australian mother who has just given birth to twins is told that one of the babies, the baby boy, did not make it. He stopped breathing and could not be revived. As is hospital policy, the mother and father are allowed to hold the baby, spend some time with him and say goodbye. So this grieving mother puts the dead baby on her bare chest, the tiny premature head resting over her heart.

When the baby seems to gasp for air, hospital personnel assure the parents that this is a normal reflex that occurs shortly after death. But after a while, the babies tiny body gives a little, tiny, almost imperceivable jolt, and begins to grasp for air with more rhythm and regularity. They call for the doctor twice and each time they are told that it is impossible that this delicate preemie is alive. But when the mother offers the baby her breast milk on her finger, the baby tries to suckle.

Finally, after two hours of this, the doctor comes and verifies what Mom and Dad already know—the baby is alive.

I love that the Australian culture encourages this kind of mother-child bond—in life and in death. In the video, you can see the mother massaging the babies back. You know that their bodies are connected, that cold little body being warmed by his mother’s. You see the father hovering over baby as close as he can get. They are whispering. They are holding his teeny, tiny bluish hand. At some point, the baby’s heart joins the beating of his mothers. Incredible.

In the hustle and bustle and overwhelming life schedule that we all keep, we can forget about the power of the human touch in general and in particular, the life-saving, life-giving touch of mother to child. Every time I attend a baby shower, I am amazed at the money spent on devices and contraptions that, by their very design, keep baby away from her mother—the ornate cribs, the bassinets, the carriers, the exorbitant strollers, the walkers, the bouncers. My personal feeling is that a new mother really needs some diapers, a few onesies, a chest carrier and if you really want to splurge, skip the designer stroller and fill her freezer with meals —that’s it. All the rest of the stuff is superfluous! And a new baby only needs his mother, really!

I am reminded of the Harlow experiments from college where researchers removed young primate babies from their mothers, but provided all of their needs for nourishment and warmth. They even gave them blankets and soft stuffed animals to hold. Without their mothers or any contact with another living being, the subjects became extremely disturbed and permanently dysfunctional.

As our children grow older, we spend so much time trying to train them up and in the effort to avoid “spoiling” them, some of us increase negative contact in the name of discipline and at the same time, withdraw and limit our affection. Many of us do this, too, in order to toughen them up.

In the name of affluence, we get bigger houses with more rooms and more technology, which only means greater separation and greater isolation. True success, we think, is when each family member can have his very own room with her own T.V. And then when they are teens, we expect their pulling away. We anticipate and accommodate it, even though we mourn the loss of affection. And then our children grow up and move away, some far, far away. And we accept all of this as the way life goes.

But this story about the mother and the precious baby that was alive when he was a part of his mother, but then was separated and died, only to be reconnected to her and thereby brought back to life…reminds us of the power of contact. The incredible, life-giving, life-affirming, life-changing power of human skin-upon-skin, hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm--- the kiss, the caress, the embrace. We are reminded that we ALL don’t just want it, we need it-- the preemie, the child, the adolescent, the man, the woman, the elderly--we need it at the beginning and we need it in the end. Yes, even the end—where birth and death and re-birth converge and become one thing.

So now in the midst of commemorating the anniversary of 9/11, when thousands of our friends and neighbors may regret that fateful morning when they may have been in too much of a hurry for a goodbye kiss or a quick hug for the loved one they never saw again...And in these difficult times, when we worry about what needs we are (and are not) able to provide our loved ones, we can remember that there is always something we can afford—to hold each other, to share our touch. There is always time for what is, and will always be, the universal cure.

The Security of a Schedule!

2010-09-10T08:11:00.004-05:00

Give a gift to your child: Set-up a homework routine early.

I am truly elated that school is back in session. Make no mistakes about it, I thoroughly believe that kids need a break from the daily rigors of academia. But I’d be less than honest if I didn’t admit that I love having the house to myself for eight hours on the days I work from home.

Even though I totally enjoy the lazy days of summer, there is just something to be said about the security of a schedule. And even though they may say otherwise, children love routines. It makes them feel safe and secure, because they know exactly what’s expected of them.

One routine that had fallen by the wayside in my household was helping the kids with their homework. Now don’t get me wrong, my children do their homework and do it quite well. But they’ve pretty much gotten to a point where they do it all on their own; without any prodding and with little or no assistance from me. You see, they know what’s expected of them. If the television is on after school, you best believe they’ve already completed their math assignments. If the computer is on during the school week, they better be working on a research project or writing an essay.

Yep, my kids’ afterschool routine is well set because it was established at a very young age. When they would get home from preschool, they were required to tell me about their day-- what they learned, and if they had any homework. At that tender age, they could usually only remember what they ate for lunch that day and that they had homework, which they were eager to do. So after getting an afterschool snack, we would sit down and work on their assignments. This routine continued until they were in the 4th or 5th grade, depending on the child. But by the time they entered Middle School, they had it down pat.

I still ask them when they get home, if they have homework, even though I know they would do it even if I didn’t ask. Why? Because they want to succeed and they know that getting good grades is a stepping stone to getting where they want to be in life. They know this because I constantly tell them.

Also see, Why Routines are Good For Families

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com or check her out on Facebook at facebook.com/authorkimberlyclark.

The Undercover Mother Speaks!

2010-09-08T09:23:00.003-05:00

I am an undercover mother.

Let me explain. I am a white woman raising four wonderful, multiracial (Black and Caucasian) children and I have had some interesting experiences. To further explain the totality of my disguise, I stand 5’ 1”; have blonde hair, green eyes, and a face that resorts to a smile in most tense situations.

As an Air Force family, we have lived all over the United States. This has given me some diverse snapshots of attitudes about race, since I am treated very differently depending upon whether I have my kids with me. Although I have many stories to tell, I am writing this post to describe what happened at a local store.

Shortly after we relocated to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio, I took the kids to school and the babysitter went to drop off film and shop at the local mega-mart. They had a one-hour photo guarantee, and that is about as long as I allow myself in any store! After dropping the kids off at school, I shopped, returned to pick up my photos, shopped at bit more, took the photos along with the rest of my cart, and checked out and thought no more about it.

A week later, on a non-babysitter day, I had more film and shopping to do. The first part of the day was the same; drop-off film, shop, etc. I returned to the photo shop, with my two littlest angels in the cart, to pick up my film. I was met with a tight smile, and a halting explanation that the “store policy” was that I had to pay at the photo shop. Hmmm.
I asked the salesperson if this was a new policy, and was told that it was not. I mentioned that I’d been to the store the week before and paid for everything at once up front. Crickets chirped in my mind as I waited for the clerk to process this information. The stammering and stuttering that followed told me that I’d caught him in a subtle type of racism. There wasn’t any good reason for him to decide to apply this rule. He’d glanced at me and my children and made up his mind about who I was and what I was and he didn’t like or trust what he saw.

I asked for the manager.

The manager reiterated the “policy.” I told my story, and mentioned that a policy is not a policy if it doesn’t apply to all. I asked why this intermittent policy had been applied to my purchase, and was told that the store’s experience with ‘some’ people, blah, blah, blah. If you’re reading this, you probably know the excuses. It was a stare down, and a show down, but I think I opened some minds. I do know that the outcome was not the Hollywood version, because the policy was enforced so that EVERYONE had to pay at the photo shop. Ideally, the store would trust their customers, but I’ll settle for equal treatment.

Julie Cuzick, The Undercover Mother, is a new contributor with us, learn more about her HERE!

AAU and Organized Sports: How to Get Your Own Life

2010-09-01T08:41:00.003-05:00

My family and I have a long and sordid affair with AAU basketball. If you are unaware of the universe of AAU, which stands for Amateur Athletic Union sports, you likely still have your own hobbies, your weekends free and some disposable income left to spend! If you are an AAU parent of any sport, you likely have none of these things!

AAU is an organized system of competition for a variety of sports, which focuses on regional teams and tournaments. I have been an AAU basketball parent through two boys and two girls. As such, these are my stats in total dedicated hours and expense:

Practice waiting hours: 486 (or approximately 20 days)
Game Hours: 180 (or one week)
Travel days: 3.5 months
Money spent: $9000.00-- conservative estimate

Anyone who has had a child participate in AAU can appreciate these numbers. I share them because they represent an extreme! But they really don't even tell the full story, do they?

When you commit yourself and your child to AAU basketball, you are buying in (and I do mean literally buying in) to an obligation that will take over your life. Most everything else you value will be a collective family sacrifice, including all of your free time; all of your vacation time; all of your other relationships; and a good portion of your discretionary funds. Once on a team, your child is expected to live and breathe basketball (or whatever sport they do)...and so are you.

I just ran into a fellow parent from my daughter's old AAU team. Our team has been defunct for 4 years, and this fellow parent's daughter has not played basketball for 3 years. But the parent is now an AAU basketball referee. AAU is no longer a part of his daughter's life. But he is still in it. Bless him!

Some (the more balanced) teams make noises about valuing the "whole child" and they make gestures toward prioritizing academic achievement. Yet, don't let a school final exam or project conflict with a tournament. When they do, all of that noise and posturing about the importance of education flies right out of the window. You are expected to choose the game. On our daughter's club team soccer, church was not an excused absence from a Sunday soccer game. So you better plan your worship carefully. You might have to change churches!

I could, and perhaps someday I will, write a very voluminous book about the warped world of youth competitive sports. To be fair, there are many joys in, and lots of value to, participating in intensive organized sports. But I am addressing (ranting about) AAU briefly here because this past weekend I had another AAU basketball encounter that was especially disturbing to me. It made the memories of all of the insanity come flooding back.

My 11-year-old son plays on a YMCA basketball team. In the world of AAU, the YMCA teams are considered the lowly scourge of basketball. In the eyes of many AAU devotees, YMCA teams are populated by non-talented and uncommitted non-athletes. To them, if you were a real basketball player, you would be on an AAU team. The coach of my son's Y team entered the team into an AAU tournament. He is still a pure and naive soul (meaning uninitiated to AAU ways).

Surprisingly, our team was doing pretty well in the tournament--winning some and losing some by close scores. Their very last game was a nail-biter-- very close and very physical. And our team won. They were very proud of themselves until they discovered that the team they had just defeated was a team of 2nd and 3rd graders --8 year olds (remember, my son's team were 11-year-old sixth graders)!

This team of babies was very upset that they lost to our "sorry YMCA team" and so were their parents. In fact, the parents were borderline irate. This group of young parents were already fully indoctrinated to the AAU mentality and they were deeply "in it." They boasted that there were very few 3rd grad teams in the AAU system. Their talented boys were, so the inference goes, already special.

Because AAU basketball has become the vehicle by which young athletic prospects are discovered, cultivated and funneled to college basketball programs across our fine nation, AAU is considered the must-do activity for the family that decides that their child is (or is going to become) an elite basketball player. Thus, AAU has developed into a major cottage industry unto itself and has, over these years, developed its own culture (as I have previously alluded to). A big part of this culture is over-zealous parenting and coaching; high pressure competition within and among teams; and under the table unscrupulous financial dealings (okay, I'll change that to unscrupulous at worst and onerous and unfair at best).

I will acknowledge that my family was served relatively well by the AAU system. My nephew was able to play basketball in a fine Ivy League school due largely to the exposure AAU afforded him. And my other children learned some valuable lessons about work ethic, teammanship and commitment. Most of them went on to be recruited and play in college (though not in basketball). I believe that AAU helped them become better athletes in general. So I get the value of good, organized competition. But there is so much I want to tell the group of young parents of that 3rd grade team. I want them to make a good thing better by not buying into the craziness. I also want to save them from themselves. It's the least an old burned-out AAU fall-out mother can do.

I want AAU basketball parents...and club soccer parents... and even the occasional hard-core YMCA parent...really all parents starting out in organized sports, to consider these sincere and well-meaning suggestions:

1. Who's the Player anyway? Please keep your expectations in check. If you, as a parent, are involved in structure organized sports because you are harboring the hope that your baby will be the next Lebron, and is going to be drafted right out of high school and will shortly thereafter buy you a mansion, ask yourself this question:
How many names of the other players on Lebron's AAU team do you know? None, right? Yes, Lebron played in the AAU system. Yes, he belonged to a team of young athletes. But besides Lebron, who are they? Most of us don't know because they are not playing pro basketball. The reality is --Lebron represents less than 1% of the population. With this is mind, at least let your child have a plan B, like a normal childhood and a chance to learn to read well.

2. Pace Yourself. There is a long, long distance between 3rd grade and 12th grade. You going all hot and heavy in elementary school is a little crazy. Look up the word "Burnout" in the dictionary. At this rate, burnout for your family is inevitable. The only question remaining is who will get there first-- you or your child!

3.There really are other things--Really! If the vast majority of AAU parents would spend 1/2 of what they spend on AAU in time and money toward their child's education and intellectual development, everyone would be better off. They would be better athletes and better prepared to take full advantage of their talents. If the AAU community cultivated a collective priority that would support education, intelligence and balance instead of sports as the only way up and out, we'd be in a wholly different place. I wonder how many kids on that third grade team can read well. I really want to know. I'm not judging, I'm just..well... judging, I guess. Still, the question is a valid one.

4. Find Your Own Sport. People think I am being facetious when I have given this advice before. But I'm not. If you can't enjoy your child's sport as a detached supporter who can revel in their accomplishments and know that their mistakes are their own lessons, then you should pursue the joy of competition for yourself (without the middle-child)! There are few things as unhealthy and as detrimental to a parent-child relationship as a parent living vicariously through their child's experiences. If your child LOVES basketball or if they have a natural affinity toward the sport, OR if your child is good enough at the sport to be able to use it to get into college-- then go ahead and do AAU basketball in middle school. But if after you've done an honest self-evaluation, you discover that your main attraction is the thrill, ego boost and/or the degree of control you, the parent, experience-- I strongly suggest that you let your child off the hook and find your own athletic outlet.

5.Make it Positive. If you do decide to participate in AAU or any organized sport, remember that the whole point of the endeavor is to develop capable children who learn the value of hard work, mastery and good sportsmanship. Being an overly-involved and overly-critical parent is actually counter-productive to these worthy goals. If you have nothing positive or constructive to contribute to your child's experience, with your words and actions, then keep quiet and let the coach do his or her job. Sometimes it's best to just get out of the way. Let me just say that one more time--Sometimes it's best to just get out of the way. I'm just going to be blunt here--parents screaming negative comments from the sidelines is a disgrace. If you want to coach, sign up and put the whistle on. If what you yell to your child (or the other children) cannot be translated to "good job" or "hang in there", it should not be said. Period.

I am not claiming to be an expert here. I have just been a sport parent for twenty-five years now. I have been on the sidelines for hundreds of hours, from California to New York and in between, in 15 degree snowy weather and 115 degrees sweltering heat, 100% humidity, rain, sleet and blow-your-lawn-chair-away winds. I have been in the stands when parents fought, had heart attacks and been arrested. I've witnessed the growth and building and the deconstruction of many a young athlete. And I am still in it-- I get to film my son's first Pop Warner football game next Saturday! So I have lots of thoughts about sport parenting. But the one thing I know for sure is that parents must choose if they are going to be an asset to their athletic child or a detriment. You gotta get in touch with your own motivations and make sure they are, in fact, about your child and not about you!

I'm. Just. Say'n!

Why I Liberated Myself From The Tax-Free Holiday

2010-08-22T08:59:00.002-05:00

On August 20-22, 2010, Texans will observe the annual Tax Free Holiday. This “holiday” was established to help alleviate some of the financial burden families have heaped on them when performing their yearly back-to-school shopping ritual.

During the Tax Free Holiday, consumers do not have to pay sales tax on certain items. Eligible items include apparel, underwear, footwear and other miscellaneous merchandise (such as school supplies and backpacks) that students will need when they return to the classroom; providing those items cost less than $100. In the Houston Metropolitan area, that equates to about an $8 savings for every $100 spent. But is the exemption from sales tax more hype than helpful?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for saving money. I regularly clip coupons and always make a list before I shop, which I pretty much abide by. What’s more, I frequent budget retailers. I’m telling you, I know more about my neighborhood Walmart than the cashiers do. Even so, I absolutely refuse to step foot in a Walmart, Target, Marshalls and the likes during the Sales Tax Holiday. I simply will not participate in the mayhem associated with the annual event.
So why have I elected to not observe the Tax Free Holiday? Well, first of all, I hate crowds. Furthermore, I think it is virtually impossible to comparison shop with people all up on me. Secondly, I truly believe it is more beneficial to the retailer than the consumer, because it encourages shoppers to spend more than they would otherwise. And my people already spend way too much.

According to a citation in the September 2010 issue of Essence Magazine, “African-Americans and Latinos spend 35 percent more of their funds on visible goods, like clothing…than whites do.”
Instead of spending so much money upfront on back-to-school attire and supplies. I prefer to only buy enough clothes to get my children through the first week of school. Because once they get there and look around at what their peers are wearing, they may decide they don’t want to wear any of the things you spent my hard earned money and extremely valuable time purchasing. For me, this has become especially true now that I have a teenage son, whose growing so fast I can’t keep him in pants. It would be ludicrous for me to load up on pants that he might not even be able to wear at the end of the month. Plus, everything will be on sale the following week anyway. Even those $100 items that don’t qualify for sales tax exemption.

Now I have to admit that I was initially quite excited when they actually added school supplies to the list of tax free items. That was last year. And eager to save on something that should have been on the list from the get go, I got up early Saturday morning and hit the aforementioned Walmart, you know before the crowds hit the store. I spent well over $100 and was very content with my $8 savings. However, I found myself right back in the same store, the following week buying additional school supplies that my kid’s teachers said they needed. These were the items that were not listed on those standardized lists that they pass out at the stores or the ones you print off the Internet.

This year, I plan to shop smarter. I will send my kids to school the first day armed with a handy, dandy notebook and a pen (all they really need). Once their specific teachers inform them what supplies they need, then and only then, will I venture into a store and purchase school supplies.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com

Telecommuting: The Good ,The Bad and the Painfully Unaware

2010-08-17T22:34:00.003-05:00

Although writing is my passion, I do have a “day” job. And for the foreseeable future, I plan on keeping said job, until I make it big in the publishing world. I have, however, been very blessed with a flexible schedule and the ability to telecommute several days a week. Man, I love technology!

To facilitate my telecommuting, I have a fully functioning home office, equipped with a fax machine, printer, scanner, and WiFi network. And of course, I have my trusty laptop. Yes, my office, at home, provides me with everything I need to excel at my job. But truth be told, I can often be found sitting at the kitchen table, perched on the sofa, or worst, propped up in the bed, while performing my daily tasks. I think I should pause and reiterate that I realize that I am extremely blessed. Trust me, I do not take my great fortune for granted. Just ask my supervisor or my clients, my work and the quality of the products I support have not suffered one bit.

There is a downside, though, to my seemingly idyllic working scenario. From the outside looking in, it may appear as if I simply play on the computer all day. What’s more, I am one of the early pioneers of telecommuting. As a matter of fact, I have been doing if now for going on 5 years. As such, my teenage kids really don’t remember me working any other schedule. You know the hectic one, when I was up at the crack of dawn struggling to get two babies, then toddlers, preschoolers and eventually small children ready for daycare and school by 6:30 am, so I could be at work by 7:45 am. They have no recollection of me coming home exhausted and frustrated from working a nine hour day and having to navigate Houston’s habitually gridlocked traffic, but not able to go to bed because I had to cook dinner and then help them with their homework, before I got them ready for bed (that is when they were young enough to need help getting ready for bed. More often than not, we simply conked out before performing any bedtime ritual).

Sadly, I believe my kids think entering the workforce will be easy. Well, perhaps at least one of them anyway. You see, my son has yet to enter the workforce. My daughter, on the other hand, has been working for about nine months, at one of the local grocery stores. Thus she’s probably learned to work with a diverse group of people, to be timely, and to submit to the authority of a sometimes incompetent supervisor.

My poor son is blissfully unaware of the rigors of the workplace, although he is very eager to get a job. Unfortunately, he is still too young to legally work. Of course that doesn’t stop him from asking any and everyone if he can work for them. In fact, I believe he is supposed to help his Godfather, a realtor, show some houses next week. While I admire his tenacity, I hope he’s not disillusioned with working once he finds out that it often involves putting in hard work and long hours for small pay; especially in entry level positions. I hope he realizes that you have to pay your dues first and prove that you are worthy of a position that allows you to set your own hours and work independently of the group.

In this world of TiVo, DVR’s and video on demand, I get the sense that more and more young people are seeking immediate gratification. And not just in their entertainment. Many of them are seeking the same instantaneous fulfillment in their careers. They want to graduate from college and immediately start living the same cushy lifestyles as their parents.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

Heads Up!: How to Save on College Books

2010-08-15T10:54:00.007-05:00

For parents, there are lots of financially painful moments during the freshman college drop-off experience. As a parent, when you are arranging to deliver your child to their new college or university, you may already have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from all of the checks your have written and all of the credit card receipts you’ve signed. I won’t even get into all of the things this generation of college student feels it “needs” for itd college educational experience. Suffice it to say, once you are waving your teary goodbye from the curb in front of the dorm, you are caught emotionally between the dread of leaving your almost-grown child and an acute desire to jump in the car and race away before you have to pay for a single other thing!

But you can’t fool yourself. Because as you race away to the airport or home, you have a nagging suspicion that your financial pain has only begun…and you are right!

One of the zingers that comes a-flying your direction shortly after drop off is the cost of books. Once your students register, they have to buy those costly textbooks. And that freshman year book buying experience can be especially painful because you and your student have not learned the ins and outs of the book buying process. Instead, your student runs directly to the beautiful campus bookstore (and those stores are always gorgeously inviting) and he or she buys every book on his or her list, without question or challenge. The resulting bill can be (will undoubtedly be) monstrous!

The good news is, there are ways to cut down substantially on the cost of college books. A new federal law limits the way publishers can hike prices by bundling books and requires upfront disclosure to schools about pricing. And colleges are now required to disclose class book-lists at registration. These kinds of advanced disclosures make it much easier to plan and to find alternatives to paying the hefty full-price for a book that has a miniscule resale value.

Tara Siegel Bernard, in her article, How to Find Cheaper College Textbooks, does a fabulous job of outlining ways to borrow, download or buy books cheaply. The options are extremely encouraging. According to Bernard, you can download some books for free from Google Books and ManyBooks.net. On some college campuses, you can borrow books. And there are websites where you can borrow books at reasonable prices. Of course, there are the online retailers who sell at a discount, some with free shipping and some with e-book options. And then there are alternative places to sell your books after you use them so that you are not held hostage by the college buy-back mafia.

Check out the full article HERE. It may save you a bundle!

Money Talks

2010-08-03T16:12:00.006-05:00

The other day my son was researching the starting salary for his current dream career. This week, he wants to be a video game designer. Through his research, he discovered that entry level video game designers earn approximately $40,000 a year. I told him that as far as starting salaries go that was a pretty good one. He immediately began doing some figuring in his head and when he was done he asked me how much a month I paid on bills. Before I could answer him, my husband, who was also in the room, snarkily bellowed, “None of your business, boy!” But I sincerely disagree with my husband. In my opinion, it is very much my son’s business.

I think children, especially those in their adolescent years, should be made aware of what things cost. What’s more, I think they should play an integral part in the family budgeting. Kids are often accused of being spoiled and selfish, because they are always asking for things. Or worse, taking the things they already have for granted. I think many of these kids are getting a bad rap, because they merely have not been made aware of how much things cost.

You can preach to your kids until you’re blue in the face about how hard you had to work for things. But if you show them, it’s much more effective. Make them pay to replace something they broke or lost and I promise you its value will be etched into their memories forever.

Unfortunately, I think my husband’s attitude about discussing money matters with children is all too common. I know it’s the way I was raised. Like my son, as a child I was curious about the cost of things like the mortgage, insurance and electricity. After all, all I heard growing up was how expense maintaining a house was. In our household, it was such a frequent source of distress that I pretty much decided that owning a home was way more trouble than it was worth. Renting sounded like a much better option. Let the landlord worry about the mortgage and repair bills. Never did I hear about the tax benefits of owning a home and how it most often is a very lucrative and appreciable asset. And no one ever bothered to explain these things to me.

Not wanting to talk about money with our kids is one of the reasons I believe African-Americans acquire less wealth, in their lifetimes, than their white counterparts. Many of us are simply victims of poor financial planning. And what do you expect, when we’re always having to start at ground zero. Shockingly, some of us never even learned to make a basic budget, until we got out on our own and that first check bounced.

Just think about what a difference it would make if we all started out with a financial acumen equivalent to what our parents managed to obtain in their lifetime. Of course this wouldn’t absolve us of the responsibility to continually learn about money, but we could add our two cents worth on top of what they taught us. We, in turn, could pass that knowledge on to our kids. This would enable them to start off on an even higher level than us. Furthermore, I believe, openly discussing how to responsibly handle money with our kids could eventually help level the financial playing field where our people have struggled to compete.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

21 is the New 16

2010-07-05T23:29:00.066-05:00

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way. ~Judith Martin

A funny thing happens in the summer when the college kids return. In the beginning of the summer, when you are glad to see them home, you may chuckle about the ways they have changed and the pseudo-adult habits they have acquired while at school. But after a very little while this oh-I'm-going-out-at-one-a.m.-to-none-of-your-business-where-Can-I-borrow-the-car-and-can-I-get-some-money routine gets real old! And after a few short weeks and some heated text messages between you, the new, less romantic kind of mid-summer madness takes over. Pretty soon, everyone is counting down the days until school starts again!

I know this is not just happening in my household because my husband came home from grocery shopping this evening, having run into two friends of ours.He was a little amazed and overwhelmed because both friends immediately complained about the drama unfolding in their homes, too. He said their exasperation was the top of the conversation, as if they were all escaping to the grocery store to find each other and commiserate! The question on everybodys' lips, What do we do with the Frankensteins we have created?

In light of this reality, I have decided to reprint the following post that I wrote 2 years ago. I offer it as hope, and comfort...with the upmost compassion and empathy for all of us parents questioning what we did to end up here. And how it is that we are experiencing such a profound generational misunderstanding about what growing up means--what work ethic and true independence and fundamental respect are supposed to look like.
I hope this helps!

21 is the New 16: Launching or Re-Launching an Adult Child

I am sitting on the cold, stiff, white paper-covered stirrup chair in my OB/GYN’s exam room. I am there for my annual check-up. She delivered all of my children and she has taken liberties with my body in furtherance of its care that I do not much like to think about. So we know each other fairly well. She is a personable, but a very busy, woman. Her exams are thorough but efficient, with no time for dilly-dally. After the usual battery of examinations and questions, she asks her exit question, “Everything seems great. How is your stress level?”

Most years, I say, “Oh, not too bad…considering life!” And she, most years, chuckles and shakes her head with understanding as she says goodbye and backs out of the door.

But this year, I say, “Funny you should ask because my stress is through the roof right now!”

“What’s going on?” The Good Doctor asks, concerned.

“My oldest son is home from college.” I moan, “Need I say more?”

“Ohhh,” she laughs that mother-to-mother commiserating laugh, “When does he go back?

“No, I mean, he is HOME from college”

“Ahhh…okay…yes.” She says as she walks back into the room and takes a seat on the rolly chair. She is perhaps remembering the conversation we had just last year when I mentioned that he was going off to college. “He is back for a while, then?”

“I am afraid so.”

“Take heart and do not panic, Mom” she says sticking her pen in her breast pocket and rolling her chair closer, “He will get it together and he will finish college. He will grow up and he will eventually be on his own.”

“How can you be so sure?” I ask, pleadingly

“Because I, too, have two boys, do not forget. And I am happy to say one is graduating from Wharton with an MBA and an interest in international business. And the other is graduating next year with his undergraduate degree.”

She, registering the sudden and not-so-subtle slump in my shoulders, quickly explains that her sons’ graduations are proof of the truth of her statements.

“Four years ago, I was feeling the way you are now. That’s when my oldest came home his sophomore year. And then I lived a déjà vu two years later, when ‘baby boy’ came slinking through the front door with bags in hand!” She says shaking her head in remembrance. The Good Doctor goes on to tell me how both of her sons stopped out of college—one to “find himself” and the other because he “just didn’t like it.” She describes exactly what I am finding out, which is, that our sons are a part of a trend. Young adults are flowing in and out of college, and in and out of their jobs. And they are coming home in droves. They just do not seem to know what they want to do or how to do on their own.

“When they got home, I was beside myself.” She says. “I wanted to go ‘Old School’ on them. I do think I threatened each of their lives at least once! I just could not relate to this lack of direction. Back in our day, you went to college; you took care of business; and you graduated. It was a four year plan. Our parents did not have the resources, nor the patience to hear about ‘finding yourself’. ‘You better find your self in class!’ is what they would have likely said!”

She is so right.

“But these kids are different. They have different expectations and we have allowed them to delay growing up,” the Good Doctor concludes.

She is alluding to the well-documented “pandemic” of “unreadiness” among our youth. As Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents, points out in her interview with USAToday.com:

Grown kids in their 20s are expected to be adult children, but as psychology has taught us recently, they're not. They're floating. For the parental generation, it's very discouraging. When we were that age, we were already married and had children. Many people I interviewed in their 20s said, " 'When my mother was my age, she had three children.' " Every daughter knows the age her mother was when she was born and when her father and mother found their professions. They're aware of the arc of their parents' lives, and they look at it and say 'I'm not there.'

Experts are finding that colleges, employers and of course, parents across the country are perplexed by the difficulty many “start-up adults” are experiencing. In college, they are having difficulty due to underdeveloped skills in analytical thinking, brainstorming, creative activity and formulating and defending their opinions. Many college students who may have sailed through high school utilizing lower learning skills such as rote memorization and mimicry are not able to make the jump to the greater demands of college study. In college, they are being asked to grasp concepts, terminology and issues with more depth of comprehension. In addition, they are often lacking the experience of dealing with adults, in adult settings—that is, settings (like the lecture hall or the workplace) that are not always exciting or geared specifically for their enjoyment.

Employers often find that new hires fresh out of college lack an ability to assess the effectiveness of their own performance in the workplace. They often do not know, for example, that they are failing to show initiative. They appear to be unable to embrace necessary concepts that are crucial for success at entry level positions—like delayed gratification and long-term thinking. They seem to lack the motivation to tend to unexciting details and to early cultivation of relationships.

So they quit. They seek more satisfying endeavors. They come home. Some try to live out their senior year of high school again. Some, who were perhaps hugely successful in high school, have a difficult time coping with the new challenges of college or adult life and with failure. They may feel hopeless and lost.

How can we parents help? What steps can we take to prevent this from happening? And how can we help our adult children launch? Or re-launch?

Clearly, there are things we should do as our kids are growing up to help them prepare for launch. From the moment they take their first step, they are heading toward the moment they will step out into the world on their own. It’s our job to help them prepare. The College Board offers a helpful list of ideas for how to encourage your child toward self-reliance. The basis of their recommendations is that parents should know when to step in and help their children and when to move out of the way and allow them to “step up” on their own behalf. The College Board recommends the following:

1. Encourage Public Speaking- Speaking in public (and preparing to speak in public) are great for self-esteem and important for developing face-to-face communicative skills that may get delayed due to the new reliance on the Internet and social media.

2. Practice Negotiation- It’s important for parents to set the rules of the household. But as children age, the parents who allow their kids to be involved in the determination of regulations and limits help their children develop tools of compromise and negotiation, and allow them the kind of inclusion teenagers greatly appreciate.
3. Model Time Management and Organizational Skills- The “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do” approach simply does not work. Modeling timeliness and organization is the best way to influence the same behavior in your child.

4. Teach Self-Sufficiency- As the College Board says, children learn by doing. The more they do for themselves, the better they are at doing for themselves. The earlier and more consistent you are at assigning duties and chores at home and responsibilities that are their’s alone, the more confident and self-assured your kids will become.

5. Encourage Independence at School- It’s difficult for parents to let go in the academic area because they feel that so much is at stake. But by the time your children are teens, they need to be taking charge of their academic careers. You, as parent, can be most helpful in a managerial role—assisting kids with structure and reminders. But teens should be in charge of their assignments, commitments and their relationships with teachers, counselors and other authority figures.

6. Listen With an Open Mind- It’s important to teens to be heard. Open lines of communication between parent and child, and opportunity to develop their own voices at home, cultivate confidence and expressiveness that serve kids very well into adulthood.

7. Provide Structure- Parents know that teens want freedom and independence. But they may not be aware that teens thrive with clear rules and structure. Children of all ages benefit from consistency and routine. Studies show that households that are able to achieve a balance between authoritative governance, open communication and independence produce happy and successful children.

8. Remember That Every Story Has Two Sides- If you have parented for any amount of time, you have likely learned this lesson the hard way. Your child may have been involved in a skirmish. He comes home with a dramatic rendition of his side of the story, and you, as a concerned parent, jump into action. You start making calls and demanding action from others, only to discover that your child has only told you a part of the story that leaves out the true part he played. It’s embarrassing, but a valuable reminder that before you take action, you need to take a breath and then investigate. No child is perfect. Not even yours.

9. Teach Self-Respect- Self-respect is a difficult thing to achieve without the help of a parent. The development of children who feel good about themselves starts very early, with healthy doses of high expectation and positive feedback. Contrary to some previous parenting philosophies, self-respect and self-esteem are not results of false praise and artificial declarations of importance. Self-respect comes from experiencing lots of small and large successes, recovering from and coping with failures, learning good judgment, sound decision-making and solid character.

10. Teach Logical Conflict Resolution- This has become increasingly important as teens must now deal with higher incidences of cyberbullying and the expansion of their social realm through social media. If you are communicating with your teen often and openly, like during regular family meals, you are more likely to be an important resource for sorting out difficult social situations.

If you are like me, you might look at this College Board list and feel that you’ve worked on these very skills for your child. And yet, your child is still at home and unable to be out on their own. Of course there are lots of reasons for this—the current economy, for example. But the concern remains-- how can you assist them in their quest toward independent adulthood. And how can you make sure that your child’s stay (however long) does not negatively impact household goings-on.

Christina Newberry, author of The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home, suggests that there are tricky emotional challenges when a household is full of adults. How is your adult child affecting your minor children? How is your input affecting their ability to pull it together? Newberry says there are three particular emotional “landmines” to watch out for:

1. Anger and Resentment: The imposition of your adult child’s presence and the unanticipated cost of their return on your finances, peace of mind and your space may cause you to harbor some resentment. At the same time, your inability to treat them as adults or your insistence on being overly-involved in their lives may be creating anger on their part. Communication is the key to keeping things civil and above-board so that tensions don’t undermine the peace and stability of your household. Newberry suggests devising a contract between you so that your expectations and rules are clearly understood by all.

2. Undermining your adult child’s ability to be a good parent- If your adult child returns home with his or her own family, a whole new universe of potential problems comes along, too. Often when kids return home, they revert back to their childhood in many ways. Their expectations may not have evolved and they may have trouble seeing you as another adult person, beyond your parenting role. Suddenly, you become parent to everyone, grandchildren included. And you become the full-time babysitter, disciplinarian, etc. Newberry says: “You can help your adult children living at home to be good parents without damaging their credibility or undermining their authority, but you have to walk a fine line to make it work. When adult children come home with families of their own, the ground rules and expectations must be crystal clear.”

3. Damaging your relationship with your spouse- And what about your own marital relationship? You and your spouse have already spent many childhood years sorting out how you would be a united front for your children. But now that your child is grown, you may not be in agreement. This could very well cause stress in your marriage. Suddenly, you may have: new financial stressors (see this article about how your grown child’s return home can destroy your retirement plan ); new time constraints as your attention (once again) shifts to catering to your child instead of your spouse; and a new lack of privacy. Newberry suggests that marital discord during these periods in not at all uncommon. So you must communicate with your spouse and come to agreement about the ways that you two will cope. A well- developed united front is once again the order of the day.

It’s most important that everyone involved acknowledge that you are all adults. Your child should not be allowed to be a part-time adult. And you should not be cast as the perpetual financial parent. You must give your child the time and space to pull things together, but also the expectation that they will pull it together… and parameters to help them along.

This is exactly what the Good Doctor told me—to give my stopped-out son space with parameters (like parameters for contributing to the household); and support with rules (like rules about contributing to his own finances). By the end of my gynecological visit, the Good Doctor has, by now, spent more time with me, advising me about my child, than she had when I was in labor birthing him! She assured me again that all of the lessons that my husband and I tried to instill in him about the value of work for work’s sake; the importance of finishing what you start; and the necessity of personal accountability—they are lessons that have in fact been successfully planted. She said that they are in there…somewhere deep. She gave me a pat on my back and a friendly hand shake. And as she slipped through the door she said,

“And if that boy does not shape up, you tell him that I said that I brought him into this world…and I can take him out!

[The prologue to this story is that this particular child did, in fact, return to school. He launched a successful art career before returning and is burning an exciting trail for himself through Princeton. So far, the Good Doctor is right.]

How Do You See Your Children

2010-06-29T16:11:00.009-05:00

Last Sunday, during the Father’s Day sermon, my pastor, Dr. Robert Childress, of the Covenant Glen United Methodist Church, posed the following question to the congregation, “How do you see your kids?” Because, according to Pastor Childress, how you see them is how you relate to them and ultimately shape their lives. Personally, I tend to agree with Dr. Childress’ viewpoint.

Dr. Childress went on to say, if you view your children as a burden because they are preventing you from going to the club or nabbing a suitable mate, your feelings will undoubtedly be apparent in your dealings with your kids. On the other hand, if you treat your children like the blessings from God that they are, they will act like a blessing and ultimately become a blessing to you.

Basically, the trick is to get your children to see themselves as you see them. If you see them as a doctor, lawyer, teacher or business owner, that is what they will strive to become. And who cares if they fall a little short of a particular goal, at least they are striving for excellence. So what if they have to settle for greatness.

Now, if on the flipside, you constantly tell your kids that they are just like their deadbeat daddy or no good momma, chances are they won’t want to prove you wrong. Subjecting your child to such a pessimistic attitude and negative speech is a sure fire way to set your child on a path of failure.

Kids dream without limits. That is, until careless and loose lipped adults place caps on the child’s ambition. Keep in mind that, children, especially really young ones, are very impressionable. So if you tell them that they will never amount to anything they will believe you. If you attribute every bad thing they do to some demon seed embedded in their DNA, they will resign themselves to failure. After all why should they try to better themselves, if they are predestined to fail?

For all of us, who have been subjected to low expectations and discouraging speech, Pastor Childress has an uplifting message for us. His final point to the congregation was that we should learn to see ourselves as our Heavenly Father sees us. If we invoke this theology, in our lives, we can achieve anything that we set our minds to. The sky is the limit. Remember this mantra "I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me" (Philippians 4:13).

If you have a question or comment for If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com

Job. Well Done!!

2010-06-15T22:25:00.009-05:00

I’d like to start this post off by sending out a heartfelt congratulation to all of the graduating seniors, for a job well done. I would also like to send out kudos to those non-graduating high schoolers, who successfully completed yet another grueling academic year. As you recuperate from all those essays, pop quizzes, projects and final exams that your teachers threw at you during the school year, I implore you to give some serious consideration to how you will spend the next 12 weeks.

More importantly, I would like for the parents reading this to ponder this question “What is the best use of my teen’s vacation time?” Personally, I am a staunch proponent of teens getting a summer job.

I am also an avid watcher of the morning news program, the Today show. Today they aired a segment called “How to Unspoil Your Child” and a few days ago they featured parents trying to cope with entitled children, who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. While watching both of these segments, I kept shouting at the screen, “how can you expect a child, preteen, teenager or young adult, for that matter, not to feel entitled, if they’ve never had to work for anything… if all they’ve ever had to do was ask and all their wishes magically came true.” Now that they’re practically grown, do you expect them to know how to care for themselves in the real world? Are they suddenly supposed to know how to manage their money and stick to a budget? Are they supposed to wake up one morning and know they that can’t have everything they want just because it appears as if they can afford it?

The answer to all of the previously posed questions should be a resounding no. These are learned behaviors. Behaviors that are best learned at a very young age, but particularly during the teenage years. And we all know that on-the-job training is the best way to learn them.

I’m always hearing or reading tales about men, particularly our men, not wanting to work. I’m talking about able-bodied men being perfectly content to lie around on the couch, while their women go out and work. These same frustrated women can often be heard wondering aloud about how their men got that way. Well, I purport that these are the same men whose mothers’ wouldn’t let or make them get jobs when they were teenagers. And now their young sistas have to pay the price for what I consider a grave mistake.

The bible says that if a man doesn’t work he doesn’t eat (2 Thess. 3:10). This scripture is often quoted in our household. My 13-year-old son loves to eat, so he can’t wait until he is old enough to get a job. Since he is the only family member that does not work outside of the home, he has to pick up the slack around the house. I guarantee you he won’t be one of those future men sitting around on some young sistas couch, waiting for her to get home with her paycheck and dinner in hand.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com or check her out on Facebook at facebook.com/authorkimberlyclark.

Reason Reigns in Arizona!

2010-06-05T19:49:00.015-05:00

I feel bad. I attended a lovely wedding this morning. And at the reception, I harangued an old friend of mine who is a native Arizonian about the craziness going on in his home state.He shrugged, shook his head in embarrassment and mutual disbelief. I attacked my friend because I had had enough bad news from the state of Arizona, even before the mural story hit the news. In this story, due to negative reactions from the community, an elementary school mural was to be changed so that the subjects had white faces instead of brown one. But when I came home from the wedding, I found this story on the Huffington Post, stating that the school district announced that they "made a mistake."

(Photo: Wiki Commons, Daniel Case)

They have decided to return the mural to it's original theme which depicts the students of color that attend the school. Kevin Kapp, school superintendent, and Jeff Lane, school principal, speaking to a group of protestors in front of the mural, both admitted that the school district acted hastily. Kapp said, "...Shame on us if we can't say we made a mistake and we are sorry!"

(Video Removed by Request)

I am an optimist. My mind has been reeling over the recent happenings in the Arizona legislature. First, the new measure allowing law enforcement to request identification of people and arrest folks who they have a 'reasonable suspicion' that they are undocumented. Then under the directive of the Department of Education, Arizona school districts are now required to remove from the classroom teachers who speak English with heavy accents. And now the "whitening" of the Miller Valley Elementary school mural. The overall climate in Arizona is very scary right now. But in this little scuffle over the mural, reason and sensibility has reigned...And that gives me hope...

But before I get too hopeful, I do want to point out what appears to me to be the crux of the problem. One of the main (or at least most high profile) detractors of the mural was city councilman, Steve Blair, who used his radio program to complain that the mural was an inappropriate representation of the community. He said, according to Gawker.com:

Personally, I think it's pathetic," he says. "You have changed the ambiance of that building to excite some kind of diversity power struggle that doesn't exist in Prescott, Arizona. And I'm ashamed of that.

I think this is the very essence of white unrest in Arizona--this perceived "diversity power struggle." The councilman tells on himself. He and his fellow protesters are perceiving a power struggle wherein their control over their communities and the nation is slipping away. They feel, especially since Obama took office, that the scale is tipped past (way past) their comfort level. This is happening not just in Arizona, but nationwide. There is a collective discomfort among the privileged that their advantage and control is waning. And they are desperate to "return things to the way they were." In this case, returning things to the way they were is, as Blair purportedly said, to return to the time when there were only four black families in his neighborhood. He makes the classic racial paranoid statement:

I am not a racist individual, but I will tell you depicting a black guy in the middle of that mural, based upon who's President of the United States today and based upon the history of this community, when I grew up we had four black families - who I have been very good friends with for years - to depict the biggest picture on that building as a black person, I would have to ask the question, 'Why?'

Why do racists always start their rants by exclaiming that they are not racist? What is he saying here, that since we have a Black President, also having a mural of a big black face looming down upon the community is just too much? And why does it feel like people always say "one of my best friends is black...but" right before they launch into something offensive about blacks? Blair doesn't say "my best friend..." He says he had four black families who he was "very good friends with for years." That's good enough for the purpose of asking the question, "why?", as in, why do they have to take over my community and be...so...apparent. Do they think my community is theirs or something?

So my question is, where is the power paranoia coming from? We people of color are still the poorest, the sickest and the most underpresented in this nation. While unemployment stabilized for whites, it still continues to dip for black folks, especially black men. We get a democratic president in office who is the most moderate we've seen in years, and still folks start calling him a socialist right out of the gate. But we are not supposed to suggest that their objections to him are because he is black. If we did that, then WE would be "pulling the race card." And yet here is this silly city councilman pulling the race card himself. What he is asking is, why do I have to drive by a picture of the big black guy every day which will only remind me that my country is being run by a black man and my schools are being taken over by brown people, who expect me to give up some of my advantages so that they can live here, too? Why am I losing control over EVERYTHING?!?

So even though I am optimistic, I know that some serious paranoia is brewing. Arizona's has just bubbled over the brim, but I suspect more states law makers and educators will follow. Thank you, Miller Valley Elementary school for letting me see that the forces of good out there are still willing to stand up and do the right thing! Sometimes it takes some real silliness to make us rise up and object. It worked at this elementary school...this time. But don't sit back down just yet. I think the paranoid brigade is just warming up!

P.S. Steve Blair was fired from his radio program gig. So his apparent goal of being the Rush Limbaugh of Arizona has failed. More cause for optimism!

Raising Girls, But Loving Boys?

2010-05-27T20:09:00.011-05:00

Growing up, I would often hear my maternal aunt exclaim, “Mother’s raise their daughters, but they love their sons.” When I was a little girl, I simply chalked up my aunt’s reoccurring mantra to the bitter ramblings of a deeply embattled middle child, especially considering how she was snidely insinuating that my lovely grandmother, who could do no wrong, preferred boys to girls.

Back then, I basically shrugged off her assertions, because I knew, in my heart, that I, not one of my male cousins, was Big Momma’s favorite grandchild. What’s more I was the offspring of one her daughters, not one of her sons. Hence, she obviously couldn’t have a gender preference for boys.

However, as I’ve gotten older and have had the pleasure of a daughter and son of my own, I have a new found appreciation for what I now consider my aunt’s words of wisdom. You see, while I love both of my children very much, I’ve never been a 13-year-old black boy. But I have been a 16-year-old black girl. Therefore, I can’t really provide a great deal of insight into what my son will feel and experience. On the other hand, I have a really good idea of what my daughter will go through. As such, I can give her expert advice to prepare her for what she will likely face in life.

In lieu of first-hand knowledge and life experiences as a boy, I offer my son the next best thing, my undying love. My son knows that no matter how cruel a place the world can be for a young African-American male, he can always find comfort and solace in his mother’s arm. My daughter can find the same, but her soothing will probably be peppered with a few tidbits of advice.

A few years back my daughter accused me of treating my son like a porcelain doll. This was in response to what she viewed as unfair treatment when I decided an argument between her and my son in his favor. Now mind you, she is roughly three and a half years older than he. At the time, I believe he was 10 and she was 13 (almost 14). I politely explained to her that everyone else in our house had had the opportunity to be 10 and that it was now her brother’s turn. Furthermore, I assured her that if she, a soon to be 14 year old, wanted to be treated exactly the same as a 10 year old, I would gladly accommodate her. Of course that meant no hanging out at the mall or going to the movies without adult supervision. Needless to say, she quickly backed off of that argument.

I have to admit, though, that my daughter’s accusation made me do a little self examination. And if I’m being completely honest, I’d have to say I worry an awful lot about the treatment my son will get in the world. Just look at the reception Robbie Tolan received from the Bellaire Police Department in his own front yard, while his mother stood helplessly by. With incidents like this still occurring, a mother of a black son can’t help but hold on real tight and love him like his life depended on it. You have to let him know that even though it’s a mean cruel world out there, he has a safe haven in his mother’s arms. Hopefully equipped with this knowledge his life will be a little easier, when he faces the injustices this world will undoubtedly thrust upon him.

Anonymous Mentoring

2010-05-18T16:53:00.009-05:00

Sometimes you mentor on purpose and sometimes you impact a life you don't even know about.

In my relentless need to be bite off more than I can chew, I signed up to be a mentor to a child with an incarcerated parent. Even though I have a demanding schedule with working a full-time job, taking care of a family, participating in community service projects and writing whenever I can find the time, I felt compelled to add this to my to do list. You see, I know personally the advantages of having good mentors in your life. Unfortunately, I am also well aware that it can sometimes be difficult to find suitable role models in one’s own family.

To participate in the mentorship program, I and the other volunteers had to attend a training session. During the training session, the instructor asked us to tell her who some of our mentors were. Not surprisingly, most of the participants responded that their mother, father, grandmother or a teacher was their mentor. One lady even hollered out that Hilary Clinton had inspired her. However, the instructor felt that our answers were too general. She said that a mentor is someone that has significantly impacted our lives and is thus someone we know personally. Therefore, she wanted us to name names.

Although, the instructor’s point is well taken, I take exception to her ideology. I believe we potentially impact people’s lives everyday, whether we know it or not. I have been inspired and uplifted by people whose names currently escape me. I have even been encouraged by complete strangers.

That’s why we have to be extremely careful how we carry ourselves. People, especially children, are always watching. And the little ones are apt to mimic our behaviors. I truly believe a kind word here and there can make all the difference in the world to someone who never hears one. And never underestimate the power of a warm smile.

For those of you who don’t share my incessant need to constantly be torn in a million directions and can’t participate in a formal mentoring program, please do one thing today to make a difference in another person’s life, whether you know them personally or not. Those of you who would like to make a positive and measurable impact in a child’s life, please consider signing up for the National Mentoring Program and taking a child of an incarcerated parent under your wing.

To see the impact of a mentor, click HERE.
For other Mentoring Opportunities in your area, click HERE.

The Happiest of Mother's Days

2010-05-10T19:02:00.008-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I know I did, although it almost ended in disaster.

Even though many people see Mother’s Day as a made-up holiday, created to benefit the greeting card and floral industry, I take the day very seriously. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is the most important holiday to me. Why you ask? Because being a good mother is the most important thing to me. And when other people, especially my husband and kids, fail to formally recognized my efforts, I get a little…o.k., majorly upset. Being the imperfect being that I am, last year I got quite upset with my then 15-year-old daughter, when she couldn’t even be bothered to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Now that she is working a part-time job and has a little spending change of her own, I was more than anxious to see if she would shell out a little of her hard-earned money to buy me a card, especially since she now knows how important the day is to me. The Saturday night before Mother’s Day, my daughter went to a pool party /sleep over and then she had to work all day on Sunday. As a result, she was not able to participate in the family tradition of cooking and serving me breakfast and dinner. Those tasks were left up to my son and husband, respectively. When she finally dragged herself home from her long day at work, she was dead tired and went straight to bed. Of course, she let me know she was home first. But when she did, there was not even so much as an utterance of “Happy Mother’s Day” from her. My first instinct was to fly off the handle and loudly remind her that I always buy her nice things for Christmas and never forget her birthday. Not to mention, I have always financed all of her extra-curricular activities. But I did not. The next morning, I lamented to my husband about how disappointed I was that once again my daughter did not wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I surmised aloud that she obviously thinks that I am a bad mother. As I am pouring my heart out to him, I noticed that he had this dumb look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he hesitantly confessed that he had forgotten to give me the card she purchased for me. I was so delighted and not just that she remembered me on my special day, but also because I wisely chose not to jump on her about forgetting it. Turns out, not only did she buy me a card, she was thoughtful enough to purchase a gift card to my favorite store, Banana Republic. So all in all I would have to say that I had the happiest of Mother’s Days.

How did your Mother's Day end up? What you expected? Exceeding your expectations? Or a disappointment?

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

Casting a Vision of Success

2010-05-01T22:43:00.009-05:00

A friend of mine recently forwarded me an inspirational article about a set of 9 year-old twins, who live in London and are about to enter high school. The siblings, a boy and a girl, are the youngest students to ever enter high school in Britain. What makes this story so inspiring is the fact that these kids are black. And apparently their intelligence is no fluke, because their two older sisters are just as smart. In fact, they entered college at equally impressive ages of 13 and 11.

But why did I have to hear about this story by virtual word of mouth. Why was there no coverage on the local news stations or on one of the national morning talk shows, like the Today Show or Good Morning America? Couldn't my girl Oprah have at least spared a little air time to send the twins a shout out?

Our kids desperately need to hear these types of stories. They need to know that as a people we are just as intelligent and capable of academic success as any other group of people. Let’s face it, they are constantly bombarded with negative images of people, who resemble them, committing crimes, cheating on their wives, and walking out on their families. No wonder many of our children feel so discouraged.

If you want a child to succeed, you have to cast a vision of success. Speaking from personal experience, I would have never thought about going to college and pursuing a degree in Chemical Engineering, if a 4th graded teacher had not planted that seed in my head. She noticed that I had an affinity for math and casually remarked that I should become an engineer like her husband. Of course at the time, I thought engineers drove trains. But because someone believed in my abilities, I was motivated to find out more about the field and I eventually graduated with a degree and obtained a job in the Oil and Gas industry. And now I am considered a subject matter expert in my field.

Had this teacher simply suggested I become a math teacher or bookkeeper (both very admirable careers), I might not have reached my full potential. Basically, my point is we should not limit our kids’ dreams. If I had continued to live with my mother, who recently retired from the United States Postal Service, I probably would have followed in her footsteps, because working at the Post Office was considered the epitome of success in my old neighbor.

At the age of 12, I went to live with my college educated aunt. So truth be told, I would have likely ended up in college anyway. However, she grew up in an era (and an area) when black women only really had two professional career options, namely teaching and nursing. She didn’t know anything about engineering and would have preferred that I stuck with one of the “safer” choices.

This is why I think it’s imperative that we plant seeds of success in our kid’s heads. I tell my daughter, who can quickly compute monetary figures in her head, that she would make an excellent CPA, CFO or CEO. Even if she doesn’t want to pursue one of these careers, I’m setting the tone for what I believe she is capable of and I’m not afraid to set the bar high.

If you have a question or comment for for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com

Proper Preparation for Prejudice

2010-04-22T00:48:00.011-05:00

With the unfortunate killing of a two month old baby in Houston, by his mother, who initially claimed he was kidnapped by a black man, I started thinking if it was still necessary to teach our children, especially, our boys, about the perils of being black. What makes matters worse is this woman only recently came to this country. Yet, she already knew that if you want to get away with a crime, blame a black man and the authorities will aptly believe you.

Although my children currently attend multicultural schools, when they started off in elementary school, their classmates were predominately white. From day one, I would tell my children that they would have to put in 110%, if they wanted to be successful, whereas their melanin-challenged classmates could easily skate by with 100% or less. And since kids are always hollering about something not being fair, I told them upfront that it wasn’t and that’s just the way it is and they simply had to deal with it. Back then, they thought I was being racist, when they got in trouble, say for fighting or talking in class, and I asked if the other kid was white and if they were did they receive the same punishment. You see, even though, my children were consistently putting in their 110% and were mainstays on the honor roll, they were constantly getting discipline notices for very minor infractions. I remember one time, when my son was in third grade, he got in trouble for calling his classmate’s identical twin brother a clone. I have to admit, I was rather impressed that he was even familiar with the term clone, let alone able to use it in such a clever manner. But because the little boy, who was called a clone, wasn’t familiar with the term and thus got offended, my son got a discipline notice added to his permanent file.

Now that my son is in middle school there’s seem to be another dynamic at play. He’s slightly taller than average, as a result some of his teachers have claimed to feel threatened when he verbally defends himself against false accusations or assumptions. He once wondered aloud why a certain teacher always blamed him or the other black boy in class for everything (and yes I use the term black, because actress Charlize Theron is African-American, but I’ll save that for another post). I responded, “You know”. And he said, “Yeah, you’re right”.

It frustrates him though. After all no one likes to be blamed for something they didn’t do. My advice to him is to turn his anger into energy and use it to his advantage. I explain to him that unfortunately there are people, who are going to want to see him fail just because of the color of his skin. However, the best way to get back at them is to succeed. Happily, he was able to pass this particular teacher’s class with an “A”. Success is the best revenge.

As he gets older and starts venturing out into the world without me, I worry more and more about him. One day I saw him running down the street, playing with what I assumed was a friendly game of cops and robbers. All I knew was my son was running down the street holding what looked like a gun in his hand. And all I needed was some overzealous cop to see my man-sized child chasing a much smaller white child with what might be perceived as a deadly weapon in his hand. Needless to say, I immediately put a stop to their play and told my son to give the toy gun back to his playmate. You see I would never buy my son a toy gun, especially not one in a realistic color like black or silver. After sending the other little boy on his way, I once again recounted to my son why I think it is a very bad idea for someone his age (13), size (5’ 8”) and color (black) to be running through the neighborhood yelling and brandishing what looks like a deadly weapon. I told him that I would prefer for him not to play with toy guns at all, but if he’s going to do it he should have the yellow, orange, or green one and let his little buddy play with the realistic looking one. He incredulously asked me, “What difference does it make?” And I responded, “You know”. To which he said, “Oh yeah, that”.
Unfortunately, there are many more lessons to be taught. Hopefully, though, he will have fewer to learn than his father and grandfather.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly Clark, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

Talking "White"...Still?

2010-04-16T17:34:00.014-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me that, in this day and age, when we have an Ivy League educated, African-American President and First Lady, how people are still so surprised that my children are well-spoken. I guess the people that call them well-spoken should at least be commended for their progressive thoughts. They are, after all, miles ahead of those that accuse them of simply trying to sound “white.”

(Photo: TDMartin - Dreamstime.com)

Let’s be clear, it is no accident that my children have such an extensive vocabulary. Their command of the English language was deliberate and thoroughly planned. From day one of their lives, I spoke to them just like I speak to most of my adult acquaintances. Admittedly, I occasionally do have to dumb down my conversation depending on to whom I am speaking; because even adults get accused of trying to talk “white,” or worst, of attempting to talk down to others.

So what do I attribute their articulateness to? Well for one thing, I never used baby talk when I spoke to my kids, which is probably why they look at me with sheer annoyance when I coo at my little rat terrier puppy wuppy. What’s more, when they were babies, toddlers and preschoolers, I spoke to them often. For instance, when riding in the car, I would explain what was on our agenda for the day. Then I would proceed to list what we had to do. When they were old enough to talk, which for both of them was at a very early age, I would also ask them if they knew what the word “agenda” meant. From the context clues, they could easily discern that it meant a list of things that we needed to do.

In addition to talking to them, I also read to my children regularly. And we made reading fun. I would act out all the characters and read the stories in such rhythmic patterns that the kids could finish the sentences. To this day, both of my offspring, ages 16 and 13, are avid readers and accomplished writers.
My 16-year-old daughter, who probably experienced the most teasing because of her articulation, once asked me why I always used such big words. I told her I was getting her ready for the PSAT and the SAT. Now mind you, she was about 12 at the time. She’s since taken the PSAT and has subsequently come to appreciate my methods.

I asked her this morning, if she still gets teased because she uses big words. She said yes, but that it doesn’t bother her anymore. I went on to ask her why she thinks she uses such big words. Her response was,”Because you always use big words, plus I read a lot.”
My 13 year-old was a little more naïve on the subject. In fact, he wasn’t even aware that he used big words and he definitely didn’t think that he talked “white.” He said, “That’s just how I talk.” Although, he did admit that sometimes his friends have a hard time understanding him.

If you have a question or comment for Kimberly, please send an email to authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

Purposeful Parenting

2010-04-10T14:03:00.010-05:00

I’ve been asked to add my voice to the ThinkAct: Proactive Black Parenting blog. Needless to say, I eagerly accept the challenge. Since the regular readers of this blog are accustomed to a certain tone, I thought it might be a good idea for me to introduce my general thoughts on the subject of parenting.

First of all, let me start by saying, I believe parenting is the most difficult job in the world. In the same vein, it can also be the most rewarding undertaking of your life. But how can you determine if you are a successful parent? Well, first of all you have to establish what your purpose or goal is as a parent. Many people mistakenly think that the objective of parenting is to make their children happy. They work themselves into a frenzy trying to give their children all the things they never had. Undoubtedly there is no greater joy than to delight your child. What makes them happy, however, is not always good for them. My son would be absolutely elated, if I allowed him to eat candy bars for breakfast every day. Now, admittedly he occasionally gets away with starting his day off with a Snickers bar. Albeit a tasty breakfast, as his mom, it is my job to think more about his long-term well-being than his temporary satisfaction. I have to make sure he has nutritious food to fortify his body, so that he can in the short-term ward off infections and diseases, and in the long-term live a long and healthy life.

You see, every decision we make as parents has long term effects. Some will be good and others not so much. Nevertheless, our ultimate goal should always be to set our children on the path to becoming self-sufficient adults, who can function properly in society. Unfortunately for you helicopter parents, this means you will occasionally have to allow your children to fail and/or suffer the repercussions of their bad decisions.

In the next several weeks, while I guest post, I would like to explore the topic of purposeful parenting. What’s it all for? Of course, I will try to throw in a few funny anecdotes here and there. But mostly, I would like to provide you with some tips on getting your children ready for the real world.

Kimberly Clark is a married mother of two and stepmother to one. She enjoys spending time with her husband and kids and talking to her numerous friends. She has been blessed with the ability and compassion to offer love and support to a broad range of people. Those of us who know Ms. Clark love her for her intellect, straight-shooting honesty and sister-girl humor. She has taken her gift of sage-wise friendship experiences and incorporated them into her first book, No Love Lost - A Practical and Spiritual Guide for Women Who Never Want to Know the Agony of Lost Love. No Love Lost is a scripture-based relationship book. Her second book, Save It for Ya Momma, is a gripping novel about the crippling effects a mother’s love (or lack thereof) can have on an individual’s life.

Both books can be purchased on www.amazon.com or at www.lulu.com/kimberlyclark

Kimberly Clark is also a prolific and trade-savvy freelance copywriter for various ezines and websites. She would love your feedback. Feel free to leave her a question or comment here or you can reach her by email at authorkimberlyclark@yahoo.com.

Welcome, Kim. Honored to have you!

IBC: We Gotta Talk About It

2010-04-01T23:49:00.001-05:00

There are subjects no one wants to talk about. There are lots of subjects we Black folks try our darndest to ignore. But some things will not be ignored. Some decisions about some things do not allow inaction. For some pressing matters, inaction is action. In fact, inaction can be a decision to die. So it is with AIDS and HIV. So it is with obesity and diabetes. And so it is with Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

Those of us women who feel we are being diligent about our breasst because we examine ourselves regularly, feel we are safe. We think, "no lump, no problem." Unfortunately, this is not the case. Inflammatory Breast Cancer (or IBC) does not come with the warning sign/red flag of a lump. It shows up in other ways we may not be prepared to recognize. The thing is-- we need to know all we can about Inflammatory Breast Cancer because it strikes African-American woman with more frequency than other groups. And it is a very virilent form of breast cancer. Meaning, it can be aggressive and deadly. According to the IBC Research Foundation, 10% of breast cancer cases in African-Americans are IBC. That's about double the rate among Whites. Although Black women comprise only 8.4% of all breast cancer cases, they make up 12.6% of all IBC cases.

In light of these grim statistics, I encourage you to read the blog of WhyMommy. She is not African-American. She is, however, dealing with Inflammatory Breast Cancer for the second time, as she has just discovered that cancer has returned to her body. She is an inspiring, brave and very smart woman who is determined to help women get beyond just awareness. She wants us to take action to save ourselves and each other. Click the team WhyMommy button to link below to her lifesaving post about IBC:

And read her post with a mind to save yourself. Then repost or link to it in order to save others. As Black women, we need to combat our history of late detection and higher mortality at the hands of cancer. For more information about Cancer and African American women, visit the Women's Health.gov by clicking HERE. Arm yourself with information. And then don't just arm yourself. Wield that weapon for life's sake. Get your mammograms early and often. And take your mom, daughters, sister and friends with you!

It's what being proactive is all about!

(Photo Credit: Bill Branson, National Cancer Institute)

Is The Black Church Dead?

2010-03-22T07:58:00.007-05:00

I am currently without church. Well, actually, I belong to a church, but I am not feeling like I have found my soul-mate place of worship. And thus, I am having a difficult time showing up. I grew up in the black Catholic church. I have belonged and/or attended lots of churches across this country—predominantly black, predominantly White, Catholic, Baptist and non-denominational. The non-denominational church I attended in Northern California was pastored by a very charismatic man from Philadelphia. It really was essentially a black church, from the black church model, only it was by far the most diverse church I have ever encountered. I enjoyed it immensely. Since I am somewhat in the searching-for-a-church mode, Eddie S. Glaude, Jr.’s recent article an interesting contemplation. This Princeton University professor, who teaches both in the religion department and the Center for African American, proclaims on his Huffington Post blog that The Black Church is Dead. In his article, he states:

The Black Church, as we’ve known it or imagined it, is dead. Of course, many African Americans still go to church…But the idea of this venerable institution as central to black life and as a repository for the social and moral conscience of the nation has all but disappeared.

Wow! That is quite a statement considering how alive and well Black churches appear to be, at least in my neck of the woods. Here, smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt, the black church seems to be doing just fine—bigger than ever and growing. Even during these very challenging economic times, when congregants are struggling like never before with spiraling unemployment, foreclosure and epic health concerns, the black church carries on. Perhaps it carries on best during these difficult times.

Once you get past the title, though, what Professor Glaude is saying does resonate. He is not saying folks aren’t going to church. He is not saying folks are not still quite religious. Nothing could be further from the truth.[see Pew study- 87% of Black folks say they identify with a religious group and 79% regard religion as important] What he is saying is that the church is no longer at the center of the Black community nor reflective of our social and moral conscience. He posits the idea that our perception of the black church is out of line with how it actually serves us right now. He says we tend to hold onto the past. We think of our churches in the old prophetic and progressive models, when most continue to be quite conservative. He, in essence, is saying that we continue to think of ourselves in the tradition of the Progressive Baptist Convention, when our attachment to prosperity theology and conservative stances like right-to-life and anti-gay sentiment often run very deep (these are my examples). As Glaude points out, our churches have “always been complicate spaces.”

Glaude also points out that our communities are much more differentiated. Pretty much everyone agrees that the Black church was once the center of our community. But this can no longer be said, for many reasons. For one, is it harder to define the “Black community.” We are a more diverse people, socially and economically. And we are expressing our diversity of interests by the churches we choose to attend (or not attend). I used to live near Joel Osteen’s mega-church. The number of black folks entering and exiting that building before and after service is an impressive number. Many black folks choose non-black led churches and denominations, many of which (as Glaude observes) are quite similar to the Black church model. Still, we can really no longer say, Glaude argues, that the black church serves as a refuge within the American community.

Finally, he claims that we in the Black church have witnessed the “routinization of black prophetic witness”. He says:

Too often the prophetic energies of black churches are represented as something inherent to the institution, and we need only point to past deeds for evidence of this fact. Sentences like, “The black church has always stood for…,” “The black church was our rock…,” Without the black church, we would have not…,” In each instance, a backward glance defines the content of the churches stance in the present—justifying its continued relevance and authorizing its voice.

He asks what place the church has in this moment in time. He asserts that we rely on what has already been said and done to justify ourselves now, when we should be called to be our best selves, “not just slaves to doctrine or mere puppets for profit.”

I agree that the Black church must step up and out of its own shadow. I agree that we must stop looking back at the role the churches played in the past and we must redefine ourselves as an institution that matters now, that takes real socio-political positions, seeks to be a political force. And that we need to find our own connection with God, our own revelation in today’s context. As Uppity Negro says in his response to Professor Glaude’s article, we must decide to be relevant again. Instead of focusing on conferences (Megafests, to use Glaude’s example), we must begin to create a “viable intellectual community” that addresses issues with a mind to make a difference. Uppity says:

What black church groups know how to do is call in a whole bunch of preachers and ask them to expound on some random hot-button topics—as if they’re going to give an answer that we’ve never heard before. And when discussions on The Lexi Show probably are classified as intellectual discussion to the average black churchgoer, then we indeed have a problem—if you ask me.

But that means that any given church can no longer be everything to everybody. How is it that these mega churches attract so many and yet are arguably irrelevant and impotent. In times like these, you have to take some difficult stands and bring your group to some real solutions. Like Pastor Warnock of Ebenezer Baptist Church [http://www.11alive.com/rss/rss_story.aspx?storyid=141761] did when he took an AIDS test during his Sunday service last month. And can I just suggest for the record that outspoken preachers like the now somewhat silenced Reverend Jeremiah Wright Jr., was saying some things about the soci-political state of black America that we black folks needed to hear, however controversial his delivery.

I agree that we are an even more complicated bunch. When we reference the Black community, who are we talking about? As my colleagues often remind me, the Black community is no longer (if it ever was) a homogenous and monolithic thing. So how do we achieve relevance again in this complicate and diversified landscape?

Pastor Rudy Rasmus, of St. John’s Church in Houston addressed Glaude’s article this weekend in the Houston Chronicle. He said:

My addendum to his declaration [that the black church is dead]…it will dead if black church leaders don’t stop pimping and hustling for personal gain, leaving the communities around their churches in shambles and the people on their pews uninformed, economically crippled, and politically powerless.

Ironically, the accompanying photo to Rasmus’ article is a church deaconess, with a big collection basket in each hand outstretched to her right and to her left. Still, if Rasmus has figured out how to empower and inform and lift up his congregation effectively, given that his church is located near Downtown’s skid row, I just may have to pay his church a visit.

Rocking the Red Pump Today

2010-03-10T11:39:00.017-06:00

These are the pumps I'm rocking today. They hurt my feet. But they're cute and I'm rocking them for a good cause,National Women and Girls HIV/Aids Awareness Day. Not only have I committed to talk about HIV/AIDS prevention to everyone I know, I am a part of a large group of bloggers who are flooding the blogsphere with the message. In addition, I am rocking my red pumps everywhere I go today.

Here's what you can do--- Take a moment to discuss this disease with your teen. Make sure they know what it is and how you get it. Make sure they know how to avoid getting it and what happens to people who are infected.
Here are Five Things Everybody 12 and older should know about HIV/AIDS:

1. African-American folks are at greater risk for contracting HIV/AIDS. During their lifetime, 1 in 16 Black men will be diagnosed with HIV, as will 1 in 30 woman.

2. GET TESTED! Know the HIV or STD testing site near you. Text your zip code to KNOWIT (566948) to receive the info by mobile phone.

3. Here are 2 critical ways to protect yourself:
a.Don’t have sex at all (anal, vagina or oral)
b.Only have monogamous sex with a partner who has been tested
c.Use a condom EVERYTIME you have anal, vaginal or anal sex.

4.HIV/AID is contracted most commonly in the following ways:

1.Through sexual contact- anal, vaginal, or oral (Yes, oral!) with a person who is infected.
2.By sharing needles, syringes, or other injection equipment with a person who injects drugs or has HIV; or
3.Through birth from a mother who is infected or through breast milk.

5.If you have questions about HIV or AIDS call 1-800-CDC-INFO

If your child has more questions and resources, visit the CDC’s Act Against Aids site at http://nineandahalfminutes.org.

Boys and Books II: A Small Miracle

2010-03-08T11:41:00.010-06:00

The other day a small miracle occurred. You parents of young boys (well,really, any age boys) can appreciate this.As many of you may recall, I have been working to make my 10-year-old son a reader. It really has begun to feel like I am making him become a reader because very little reading was happening voluntarily, that is without the insistence of me or his teacher.

But last week he gets into the car after school and says that his friend gave him a book that he thought my son would like. Okay, that's the first miracle. His friend, a fellow non-reader, passed along a book! Now, it bears mentioning that the friend did not himself read the book. He just saw the book and knew my son would like it. Interesting right? It's as if my son's group of friends are contemplating reading. They know reading is a good thing. They seem to enjoy the books that are required reading at school. But when it comes to reading on their own, they sort of play at it; talk about it; but rarely do it themselves. Funny.

Well, my son LOVES the book. That's miracle #2! His friend hit the nail on the head because the book is not just about sports, it's about football. And it's not just about football, it's about training for football. And it's not just about training, it's about a boy who is trying to achieve football success in the tall shadow of his professional footballer father. My son is obsessed with football and with training and being "in shape". I catch him lifting his shirt in the mirror to check the status of his "six pack" more than daily! And he, too, feels the weight of his former-college-football-playing older brother and father. Already, in his Pop Warner football league, he is having to contend with the constant comparison to his brother's legacy.

Thus, my son connects with this book big time! And as a result, he is devouring it like nothing I have ever seen. He also likes the book because it is a little advanced for him, in subject matter and language. Reading it clearly makes him feel a bit more mature.

Sometimes we parents need these little reminders. I often tell parents when I am asked about hesitant readers, that if your child does not like to read yet, he just has not found the right book. This last incident with my son reminds me of how true this is. The challenge is finding that book. Luckily, there are more interesting books available for boys. The key is knowing what your child is into. What are his likes and passions. My son is easy because he really tends to immerse himself in his interests. His siblings think he is a bit obsessive because he lives and breathes his passions. Right now, it's football. Next week, who knows. The twist here is that I think he especially values this book because his friend picked it out for him. If I brought it home, it might be gathering dust atop the other dusty books I have suggested.

My first thought was to be my usual proactive self and form a reading group for him and his friends. They seem to be right at the cusp of developing a love of reading and I wondered if I could facilitate the process before they get to Middle School. But then I realized that my meddling might mess things up. So instead my son and I will go to the book store and I will suggest that my son find a book that is perfect for his friend. So that he can offer it to the friend and return the favor.

The book my son is reading is:

Be warned that the book really is about a kid who decides to take steriods to further his football career and how he has to live with the consequences of his choices. It is a mature theme that not every pre-teen is ready for. Also, the book also has some profanity.

White Steppers Zetas Win Big: What's It Mean?

2010-03-02T17:34:00.014-06:00

When an all-white sorority wins first place in an otherwise all black step show, all hell breaks loose. Black people, young and old, are up in arms! Many feel that the black community has lost something—“given it away” or “sold it” to mainstream America. While others see the infiltration as a wake up call and a challenge. Most, however, recognize it as the beginning of the end to a black tradition, once infused with history and culture.

The controversy continues to wage online as word quickly spread that the all-white Zeta Tau Alpha step team from Arkansas took first place honors at the prestigious Sprite Step-Off Step Show in Atlanta this past weekend. As if the Zeta win in the normally all black venue were not enough to create big buzz, Coca Cola, apparently in response to the outcry from the black community, changed the outcome by declaring a tie between the Zetas and formerly second-place winners, the Alpha Kappa Alphas from Indiana University. Alpha Kappa Alpha is a historically all black female sorority formed in 1908 in response to the exclusion of black women from traditionally white sororities. Are we already seeing the crazy irony here?

Historically, stepping has been a way for Black fraternities and sororities to come together for a common group effort, represent their organizations and interact among themselves and the greater community. Step shows have also been used for philanthropic fundraising among these service-oriented greek organizations. For those who have never heard of the African-American tradition of stepping-- have never seen the movie, Stomp the Yard-- Elizabeth C. Fine, in her book Soulstepping: African American Step Show, defines it as:

…a complex performance that melds folk traditions with popular culture and involves synchronized percussive movement, singing, speaking, chanting, and drama.

In addition, as step has evolved and become more difficult and complex, it also has developed an oral tradition deeply rooted in African-American history and the histories and legacies of each group. It is a way that these groups showcase who they are; what they are doing and have done; and what distinguishes them from each other. Over time, each group has developed its own style and trademark movements. If you attend a step show, you’ll know the Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity by their red and white striped canes, for example. The Omega Psi Phi fraternity specializes in those athletic acrobatics and all of that dog barking. And both the male and female Alphas chant a lot about being the first black greeks established. These features have been passed down from generation to generation.

For many of these black greek organizations, stepping is a serious matter. They devote an incredible amount of time and resources to competing locally and nationally for rewards, but mostly bragging rights. The Sprite Step-Off competition represented an important shift. Firstly, the first place prize was a $100,000 scholarship, the largest step show booty to date. And secondly, the show garnered television coverage by MTV. Not just event coverage. MTV produced a six part series about the sequence of competitions culminating with the national finals in Atlanta.

If there was any question that the art of stepping has hit the mainstream, Coca Cola and MTV have answered with a decisive “YES”. But we all know there is a price to fame, fortune…and hopping in bed with mainstream media. Many in the stepping world are certain that they’ve now paid that hefty price with the Zeta win.

Black folks have a long witnessed their cultural traditions and innovations discredited and invalidated only until taken and repackaged by white America. The appropriation of black culture is as much a part of this country’s history as...I don't know...greed! We have seen it in every aspect of American life, not just music (Jazz, rock and roll), but dance, sports and science. And we’ve seen it over and over again. From Pat Boone’s watering down of Little Richard’s music to Justin Timberlake’s R&B-in-a-white-package persona, this fear is far from baseless. In the last few days, many black folks have been expressing dismay all over the Internet about this new potential cultural theft.

Str* G at Straightgangsterism.com says:

I had issues with this competition from the very beginning. I saw it as another example of one of our sacred traditions being commoditized and mass-mediated by corporate America. I feared that it would lead to us losing control of it…By relinquishing the cultural rights to this tradition, which we did through our participation and support, we opened the door for outsiders to step in and establish themselves within it.

BlackStar69 calls the Zeta win the “End of Days!” Even Jemele Hill writing for ESPN, who strongly opposed Coca Cola’s decision reversal, acknowledged the history behind the black sentiment:

Certainly, I'm sensitive to the concerns of those African-Americans who feel the mainstream often steals from black culture without crediting its founders. In his groundbreaking book, "Forty Million Dollar Slaves," New York Times columnist William C. Rhoden contends that the integration of baseball was really a setback for African-Americans because Major League Baseball was allowed to poach the best talent from the Negro Leagues without also being forced to make room for black managers, executives and owners. The fear is that if stepping hits the mainstream, a historically black form of expression will be lost.

I don’t think those who oppose the Zeta’s participation in the show fear that this group of women will single-handedly change the face of step. The Zetas worked hard, performed well and were gracious about the change in their first-place stature. If you want to place blame, it seems to me, you really should take a look at how the Zetas (and the participants for that matter) were used by sponsors and MTV. The Zetas did not just show up out of nowhere and win, after all. Their road to the national Step-Off competition had a long and much hyped build-up, MTV style.

MTV chose six groups to follow and highlight during the regional competitions. The Zetas, being a novelty as the only all-white group, were, of course, chosen as one of the six. Onlookers involved with the TV series and those present backstage at the Step-Off finale commented that throughout the process, the Zetas were promoted as the underdogs and given the lion's share of MTV's attention. Participants told Aaron Randle at Hilltoponline.com (Howard University's news site) that "MTV and Sprite took the story of the anomalous Zeta’s and ran with it." According to Randle's article:

Mentioning how the Zetas received a biased amount of television coverage and were treated more favorably than the other participating sororities, many felt after the Zeta’s made it to the National Final, MTV and Sprite became less concerned with treating all their participants fairly and more concerned with promoting the Zeta’s unlikely story.

This perceived preferential treatment of the Zeta's led some to believe the outcome was predetermined. Frank Ski, popular Atlanta radio personality, interviewed two judges post- show, who expressed some surprise at the outcome.

Other comments, like PTA Mom's at SmokingSection.com, suggest that sponsor and MTV orchestration was also evident in other choices made throughout the production: the sponsors chose celebrity judges with little to no knowledge of or background in the traditions of step; they changed the competition schedule in Chicago, where they had another "score discrepancy"; and canceled the step-off that was supposed to happen between the first and second place women's teams. (A step-off is when two teams go toe-to-toe on stage exchanging words and showcasing their best moves. The winner is determined by crowd response). Taken as a whole and without takng anything away from the performers, it seems to me the entire process smacked of a manipulated outcome at worst, and the usurpation and corruption of the step show tradition at best.

Welcome to Hollywood!

Step shows will continue, and other groups will continue to join in. This is nothing new. The folks that wish to keep stepping in the black community are not being realistic. That train has forever left the station. As Philander Smith College President and black greek expert Walter Kimbrough stated:

What has happened is black youth culture, what people would call hip hop, sort of made black culture accessible and appealing to all kinds of people ... It really now has become an American experience. (see opposingviews.com)

And as with all "American experiences," in the hands of other groups, stepping will spin off and become something new. It may look like the Zetas' Matrix routine, or it may look like this white fraternity from Kentucky. If black frats and sororities desire to keep their traditions the way they want them, it will be up to them to do so. In light of the Coca-Cola response, and the public reaction to their response, it'll be interesting to see what step shows become from here on.

Here is the group who originally got second place, but now shares the first place title:

See a lively discussion of this article at Blogher.
Click HERE!

Dating White: You? Your Daughter?

2010-02-25T19:05:00.009-06:00

Should Black women re-consider dating White men? Should we hand over our maintain-the-race banners in the name of “self-preservation”? Karyn Langhorne Folan thinks so and she has written a book about it. Don’t Bring Home A White Boy was written, Folan says, after her controversial op-ed piece on the subject in the Washington Post received an “overwhelming response.” This one of those hot button issues in the Black community that never fails to get a rise.

Black women have historically refrained from “going White” for many reasons, including: they don’t want to be perceived as “selling-out”; they don’t want to abandon the race; they are not attracted to white men; and they don’t think White men are attracted to them. Just recently John Mayer , the popular White singer and heart throb, reinforced this last perception by stating to Playboy Magazine that he had a “David Duke” penis when it comes to Black women, in that, it just was not attracted to Black women. Mayer’s admission really reinforces this perception that Black women are not valued romantically or sexually by White men. But Folan, who is married to a White man, says that this is simply not true and Black women need to stop trying hold onto to this inaccuracy (and others, like the “myth of one voice” among Black folks). She says instead of putting up personal barriers to men of other races, Black women need to be open to finding men who love and cherish them no matter the race or ethnicity.

According to the statistics, Black women are maintaining the race all by ourselves, since Black men have been dating and marrying others in much larger numbers than we do. The Washington Post, citing a 2008 population survey, said about 73% of Black/White marriages are between Black men and White women. We have long dealt with the reality that Black men are much more interested and more willing to date outside of the race. This has been a sore subject for many Black women who feel that their commitment and loyalty to the race is not reciprocated.

This is a moot question for me because I am long-time married to a Black man. But it’s an interesting one to consider for my children. Admittedly, as a young parent, I wanted my kids to date and marry Black. But in my many years as a parent raising children in a predominantly White environment, I discovered many things about the world and the precarious place in which this Black-only stance put me. For one, I realized that we often confuse racial differences with socioeconomic ones. In many, many ways, my children have more in common with their White counterparts than with Black kids their age. We Black folks who are raised and exist in middle-class surroundings don’t really like to admit this because, again, we sound like we have sold-out or are trying to pass. But in many ways it’s true. Few of my kid’s Black friends, for example, connect with my kid’s classical music backgrounds or the fact that they play lacrosse.

Secondly, I want my kids to find their heart’s desire in all area of their lives. I want them to find their soul-mates. AND I want them to be clear about who they are and where they came from. I don’t feel they should have to sacrifice their histories for their hearts, nor their hearts for their histories. I want them to be proud of their race and ethnicity, AND I want them to find a person they truly connect with. If that person is outside of the race, so be it.

Thirdly, I have worked very hard to counter-act society’s standards of beauty and intelligence and over-all value. I don’t want my children to be “White struck”, that is, believing that “White is always right” or that all things that are good about the world are related to being White or White-like, and all things bad are associated with Black folks. The messages in the media overwhelmingly communicate this perspective. And the Black/White relationship question is inextricably connected to this and to notions of Black self-hate. So even though I say I don’t mind if my kid’s soul mate is not Black, I want her to look among her own for that person, too.

Fundamentally, I believe that if my kids are solid about themselves, I can trust their choices whatever they are.

Where Hate Resides

2010-02-16T22:40:00.001-06:00

How concerned are we about the proliferation of supremacist and hate groups in this country in the last two years? How upset should Black folks be about the fact that as of the inauguration of President Barack Obama, hate groups ballooned to a record number of 926? How much impact does this have on our day-to-day lives and well-being?

According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, watchdogs for hate and extremist groups since 1971, hate group activities, in response to the wave of Latino immigrants beginning in the 1990s; the current economic downturn; and the election of our bi-racial President, is at an alarming all-time high. The variety and diversity of these groups might surprise you.

The Ku Klux Klan, which had been generally declining since 2000, experienced significant growth in 2008, according to David Holthouse, of SPLC. Brotherhood of Klans Knights of the Ku Klux Klan (BOK) is headquartered in Marion, Ohio but has expanded to Canada. Several Klans organizations have grown through the absorption of Aryan organizations in Canada and the U.S.. These organizations appear briefly in the news when there is a run in with the law, almost always over violence and murder. The Imperial Klans of America was dealt a “crippling blow” when, as a result of an attack on a mixed race teenager, a Kentucky jury delivered a 2.5 million dollar judgment against the group and it’s leader. And members of another tiny faction in Louisiana, Sons of Dixie, were convicted of the murder of a new member when she decided to leave the group right after initiation. The Klan has, as we all know, been the self-professed protectors of the rights and interests of White Americans since 1865. They have splintered and spawned into hundreds of large and small factions all over the country and beyond.

Then there are the Neo-Nazi groups. Legal problems have plagued these groups, too, as their leaders find themselves in jail—Kevin Alfred Strom, of the National Vanguard , for child pornography in 2008 and Bill White, of the American National Socialist Workers Party, for posting death threats on his website and by phone. Despite White’s legal troubles, ANSWP grew in 2008 from 30 chapters in 26 states to 35 chapters in 28 states. According to Holthouse’s SPLC report, the Year in Hate, published last year in The Intelligence Report ( SPLC Intelligence Project, Issue 133, Spring 2009),these groups busy themselves advocating for the death of federal judges and journalists and others they feel threatened by. One of the National Socialist Movement’s (NSM) have targeted their efforts on Latino immigrants. They are known for their annual “Hated and Proud” hate rock festival.

Skinheads are a more conspicuous bunch. Though their numbers appear to be diminishing, the reality is, according to the Holthouse report, they are simply consolidating and shutting down smaller, weaker factions, to form bigger more concentrated groups. In the last year, these groups have stepped up their activities by recruiting and forging bonds with each other. They draw in new members with” hate rock concerts, white power cookouts, Mixed Martial Arts prizefight viewing parties and other widely promoted events.” Many are even revamping their images to appear more current and attractive the new comers.

And I would not be fair if I did not mention the recent growth and increased presence of radical Black supremists and separatists. They have increasingly taken to the inner city streets decrying the evil Jews and denouncing President Obama. According to Holthouse’s report, the fringe group, Hebrew Israelite Movement, believe that “Jews are creatures of the devil and that whites deserve death or slavery.”

What is the impact of so many groups with so many members spreading hate propaganda? Does it even reach the main stream? Do we even feel their increased unrest? It seems to me that the growth of these groups coupled with the general discontent of American’s makes for a dangerous environment. We have seen the conservative right get more and more extreme and overt about their racial hatred. We have seen how they are feeding an insecure population ammunition to become fearful and paranoid, and to act on that fear and paranoia. It only takes a few minutes of Fox News watching to see how these scary anti-Obama, racially intolerant sentiments are escalating right before our eyes. We can laugh at how totally out there these fringe groups are. But if we are paying attention, we are starting to feel a heightened sensitivity between racial groups that is alarming. No where is this more evident than in the “anti-immigration movement”. Just last month Santa Clarita, California Councilman Bob Kellar declared himself a “proud racist” at one of these nativist rallies. Since Latino immigrants are blamed for everything wrong with this country, including job scarcity and the sub-prime mortgage banking bust, violent acts and protests against Latinos as a an all time high.

The consequences of hate mongering are not covert or subtle. Mark Potok, editor of the Intelligence Report, provides a perfect example. The day after President Obama’s inauguration,

“a 22-year old White man stormed out of his house and killed two Black people and raped and gravely wounded another. Later, the man told police he’d intended to invade an Orthodox synagogue and kill as many Jews as possible. The reason, he said, was that he’d spent six months perusing racist websites and concluded they ‘spoke the truth about the demise of the White race,’ according to court filings.

It seems to me that those of us who oppose hate and wish to create communities of acceptance and understanding need to arm ourselves with knowledge. It does us no service to ignore the existence of this growing threat with the hope that they will go away. They won’t. We all need to be vigilant about our awareness and our refusal to empower these people. Potok quotes a New York Times editorial with this very warning:

It’s easy to mock white supremist views as pathetic and to assume that nativism in the age of Obama is going away….But racism has a nasty habit of never going away, no matter how much we want it to, and thus the perpetual need for vigilance. …It only takes a cursory look at worsening economic climate and grim national mood to realize that history is always threatening to repeat itself.

As I was researching this topic, I did the following Google search: “apology for racist remark”. I was trying to find an article about this Fox News apology for featuring a well-known White supremacist as guests. It’s interesting that the results for the search went for pages and pages---stories about politicians and celebrities and new casters and pundits, all expressing their remorse for some off –the-cuff remark that offended one group or another. One of the top search results was the resent John Mayer apology for using the “N Word” in a Playboy interview. Poor Mr. Mayer said a lot of controversial things in that interview. But as far as I am concerned, the “N Word” remark was not, in the context of his interview, any indication of racism on his part, flippant arrogance perhaps, but not racism. And though we have to be vigilant about these matters, it seems to me much more pressing to focus on all of these hate organizations whose intentions we do know and whose racism is well established as their very purpose.

With that said, SPLC recently published a guide to help individuals respond to hate. Their Ten Ways to Fight Hate: A Community Response Guide, is a great place to start.. In it, they delineate ways to take action to diffuse dangerous situations; to change community perspective and behavior; and to look at ourselves and address intolerance at the root, and that is, by searching within. Here are the Ten Ways to Fight:

1. Act

2. Unite

3. Support the Victims

4. Do Your Homework

5. Create an Alternative

6. Speak Up

7. Lobby Leaders

8. Look Long Range

9. Teach Tolerance (I so prefer the word acceptance and belonging in place of tolerance)

10. Dig Deeper

Here is a link to Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hate Groups Map. It just may be good to know where in your area these groups reside and are planning to gather.

Think Act Parent

Is There Really Any Good Clean Air News

A Plea for Education from the First Lady (Video)

I Am Kelley Williams-Bolar UPDATE

Parent/Teacher Relationship: Your Most Important Parenting School Tool

Five Reasons Why We Need The EPA

The Help: The Assn of Black Women Historians Addresses The Issues Perfectly

Clean Air is Possible! But You Gotta Act!

Hood Health: Change Your Neighborhood, Change Yourself

What I Learned about African American Asthma Rates and What Can Be Done About It

Why More Blacks Give Their Children Bottled Water And Why We Should Stop!

On Summer Sports, Asthma and Being Prepared with Houston Immunologist, Dr. Carlos Vital

For more information about The Soaring Rates of Asthma Among African-American Kids and What Moms Can Do About It, join the Mom’s Clean Air Force BlogTalk Radio discussion on July 27th at 10:00 a.m. EST.

For more information and REGISTRATION-- Go HERE!

The most effective way to parent is to arm yourself with information…and then to act on it!

Hope you'll join our discussion!

Do Online Petitions Work? Experts Say Yes and I Am Counting on It!

Psychology Today-- I Am Done With You Forever!

EPA's Lisa P. Jackson Representin' on Jon Stewart-- Just Right!

Scholastic: A Black Mother Thanks You. But She's Watching You, too!

Young Environmentalists: Green Teens and Clever Kids

Love Letter to Hilton Kelley-- Texas' Goldman Environmental Prize Winner

Why Clean Air is a Social Justice Issue that Black Folks Should Care About Most

Scared Straight After All These Years: Bad Policy, Good TV?

Learning to Read: Picture Books Are Important, Too!

Gratitude is Good for Our Health Says Dr. Andrew Weil and I Believe Him!

How To Get Boys To Read

A Bully's Bullseye

The Butterfly Effect: Personal Power and Global Responsibility

Motherhood: The Oldest Form of Identity Theft

The Power of Touch: a Reminder

The Security of a Schedule!

The Undercover Mother Speaks!

AAU and Organized Sports: How to Get Your Own Life

Why I Liberated Myself From The Tax-Free Holiday

Telecommuting: The Good ,The Bad and the Painfully Unaware

Heads Up!: How to Save on College Books

Money Talks

21 is the New 16

How Do You See Your Children

Job. Well Done!!

Reason Reigns in Arizona!

Raising Girls, But Loving Boys?

Anonymous Mentoring

The Happiest of Mother's Days

Casting a Vision of Success

Proper Preparation for Prejudice

Talking "White"...Still?

Purposeful Parenting

IBC: We Gotta Talk About It

Is The Black Church Dead?

Rocking the Red Pump Today

Boys and Books II: A Small Miracle

White Steppers Zetas Win Big: What's It Mean?

Dating White: You? Your Daughter?

Where Hate Resides

For more information about The Soaring Rates of Asthma Among African-American Kids and What Moms Can Do About It, join the Mom’s Clean Air Force BlogTalk Radio discussion on July 27^th at 10:00 a.m. EST.